Hi S_J_R,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling anxious about the night sweats and the lumps above your collar bone and in your groin. I wanted to reply and say I completely empathise.

I'm in a similar situation playing the waiting game too, as I'm booked in to see a general surgeon on the 6th (as I had bowel surgery 6 years ago and so the GP thinks they're best placed to advise) but hoping I might get an earlier appt. I then hope to have a CT booked in as soon after that possible. It's so horrible waiting isn't it? I'm so stressed and anxious.

I also have a lump on my left collarbone, which I found mid Oct and it's still there. If anything, it feels smaller and harder than it was originally. Unfortunately, I've also had a strange popping, moving sensation deep in my left abdomen for the last 18 months but I didn't think anything of  it (stupidly didn't see the GP).

I finally saw the GP when I found the lump on my collar bone and they ran bloods and ordered an ultrasound. The bloods came back clear and so did the ultrasound but they were unable to see the tail of the pancreas. For the last month, I've had bad pain in my stomach/left side of abdomen, which is worse at night. 

I'm totally stressed with it all and, although I've tried avoiding Google, I haven't been at all successful and have ended up going down a Google rabbit hole with worst case scenarios. I totally understand how you feel! 

Helen

Hi Helen

Thank you so much for replying. Sorry to hear you're going through similar stress and wait. 

Was the ultrasound on the lump on your collarbone or abdominal ultrasound? Waiting until 6th must be difficult for you, hopefully they can get you in for a CT ASAP after that. I feel lucky in a sense that I have seen haematology so quickly after the GP referral but when you're thinking the worst, each day just feels like forever. My bloods were also fine but it still doesn't give me much reassurance. 

I keep thinking there's no way I have cancer, I'm too young, I would know if I had it, the lump is just from having my covid booster but then I also keep thinking what if and everytime I have a niggle I think maybe I do have cancer.

It's all the questions and not knowing that I'm finding difficult. I think if I did get diagnosed with cancer I could deal with it, but not knowing is just driving me insane. Google is definitely the worst place to be when your mind is in overdrive but it's so difficult to avoid it. 

Sam 

Hi Sam,

The ultrasound was on the abdomen and pelvis. They found nothing but couldn't see the tail of the pancreas, which is where I am convinced there is a tumour. It feels like nothing will give me reassurance at this point and I feel like a bit of a zombie going through the motions, which then makes me feel really guilty for my husband and children. 

I know I like to be in control of things (ex-teacher!) and this feels so out of control. I think, like you, if it was a treatable cancer, I could cope too but I've totally convinced myself that I have incurable pancreatic cancer.

There are tons of threads about a left node come up (supraclavicular) following the Covid vaccination. There is one on here with over 600 replies!  How old are you? The nausea, diarrhoea and stomach pain could be caused by your stress and worry. 

Helen

I'm also a teacher! Aka control freak haha which doesn't help when things are so out of my control. I'm 34 so not super young but in my head too young for this.

I've read through some of the posts on that thread, it definitely seems like the covid booster could be the cause of my lymph node, I've tried to reassure myself with that  I think if it wasn't for the night sweats I would feel more reassured but I can't find anything to put them down to.

Have you had blood tests done to check your pancreas? Could it be something like scar tissue from your previous surgery that has stopped them from being able to see the tip of the pancreas?

I hope we both get some answers and reassurance soon, I imagine you're like me and you just have what ifs going around your head constantly. I feel guilty on the husband and kids too, I've tried to switch off from it and wnjoy Xmas with the kids but second I try to switch off my head goes into overdrive.

Sam

Hello Sam,

                 the thing about self confessed control freaks is that they never quite manage to live up to their billing,if they did they would never allow themselves to get so stressed. l too like to think that l can command my control,and when l was going through the wait to get my stage 4 cancer diagnosis confirmed it was put to the test.

 The thing that saved me was the recognition that l could not change what already existed,only possibly what was to come, and l needed to save all my reserves for any battles l had in front of me.A career in intensive pigbreeding helped insomuch that through thisl had learnt over the years that the worst enemy to health and the ability to fight off challenges was stress.

Easy to say,hard for most to practice,but seven years on and living life to the full,l am in no doubt the actions of control of my mind and emotions made the difference between myself and many of my peers who sadly are no longer with us today.

You are the teacher who helps learn others,and l am sure you do not need not prompting to learn for yourself,so l just offer the reassurance of the powerful effect that lies within us if we allow ourselves to unleash it to our benefit.

l hope everything turns out well for you and that this is just a wee blip to remind you that life is nothing if not a challenge to be mastered,

                                                         David

Hello Sam,

                 the thing about self confessed control freaks is that they never quite manage to live up to their billing,if they did they would never allow themselves to get so stressed. l too like to think that l can command my control,and when l was going through the wait to get my stage 4 cancer diagnosis confirmed it was put to the test.

 The thing that saved me was the recognition that l could not change what already existed,only possibly what was to come, and l needed to save all my reserves for any battles l had in front of me.A career in intensive pigbreeding helped insomuch that through thisl had learnt over the years that the worst enemy to health and the ability to fight off challenges was stress.

Easy to say,hard for most to practice,but seven years on and living life to the full,l am in no doubt the actions of control of my mind and emotions made the difference between myself and many of my peers who sadly are no longer with us today.

You are the teacher who helps learn others,and l am sure you do not need not prompting to learn for yourself,so l just offer the reassurance of the powerful effect that lies within us if we allow ourselves to unleash it to our benefit.

l hope everything turns out well for you and that this is just a wee blip to remind you that life is nothing if not a challenge to be mastered,

                                                         David

Gosh David, what a great post. I know you were replying to Sam but it helped me enormously too! Thank you for this. 

Helen

David 

Thank you so much for your reply. It made so much sense, you're right, we can't control what already exists. No matter the outcome, it is what it is, and nothing we do will affect that. I think I just need to keep reminding myself of this over the next few weeks and try and take control of the stress.

I hope you are well, you sound like such a positive person despite your illness! 

Sam

Thanks Sam,

                      but thats the point,l now have no illness and succesfully went through bowel cancer with spread to the liver,bowel resected now reconnected,60% of the, liver removed,now remainder has made compensatory growth, all l have are a few niggles from the radio/chemo.Not sure that l am any more positive than the next man,just realistic from the off and have the benefit of a stubborness inherited from my Mum. 

                allow your mind to be kind to your body over the coming weeks,

                                                                                                                        David