My mum has cancer but hasn't told me

Hi im writing about my beautiful mum. My mum is selfless mother of 3. 2boys and me 1 girl. We are all grown I'm the only one with a family my brothers are under my mum and dad care with mental illnesses that are stable and managed with medication.

My mum is curretly in hospital following a second stroke. Previously she's had a mild heart attack and now has been diagnosed with cancer. All over a 3 year period. Cancer diagnosis has been in the past week. My mum has lost her mobility slightly and is incontinent and cutretly on a rehabilitation ward.

My mum has spent her whole life from 21 to 76 looking after children. She had my brothers then me at 40 then I have a daughter. All she knows is to look after others.

My father who is 80 accidentally told me my mum has cancer, after saying mum will tell you in her own time as she knows what is wrong now. I guessed as I had looked at her symptoms a long time before and wondered. My mum following her first stroke demanded nobody to call an ambulance as she wanted to pack a bag before going to hospital so she was driven to A&E by my father. This time it took a week to get her to see her GP following her stroke she refuses help. Once she had the second stroke it took me 2 days to get her to A&E. Now she has been told she has cancer but hasn't told me yet my father accidentally told me as he explained she wanted to tell me herself. My father doesn't really speak to the doctors much in hospital. 

My mum is so selfless she seems to hurt herself to protect us children I don't know what to do. I want to help and look after her.

Iv no idea off type or how fare on the cancer is, I don't want to ask doctors as then ill have to pretend to my mum I don't know even more information. I don't know what to do.

 

  • Hi Kimst,

    I'm sorry to hear of the situation you're in, this sounds really difficult. I know that it can be tough to see someone you love try to be selfless and strong where actually it hurts those around them if they can't help or be involved in the way that they want to.

    It's hard to know what to suggest, but perhaps the best thing initially might simply be to give her the opportunities to tell you - keep in touch, keep talking to her and showing her you're there, and hopefully she will open up a bit more soon. If not, you can ask some questions. It's important that the communication is there soon so that you can all start moving forward with whatever the next steps are, so perhaps you can gently push her to tell you more if it's not forthcoming soon. Hopefully she will then accept help from you and all of you.

    We're always here for support if you need it, so do use the forum as much as is helpful for you. And hopefully you'll receive further replies here soon.

    Take care and wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Thank you for your reply, 

    My mum haveing something done on Friday not entirely sure what but I think after that they will know more so maybe she is waiting on that test. Also she will be wanting to wait till after Christmas I bet being the person she is.