Yes thr feeling is really hard tp describe. For maybe 30 seconds when I wake up things are normal and then it all comes flooding back like a bad dream. 

I feel like if the CT scan is clear then I can get through it. 

I am nervous about losing my hair but mainly as it will be upsetting for my daughter.

God it's really **** isn't it?!

I am sure your CT scan will be okay, I can't imagine the worry you must be going through,. I'm the same I wake up in the morning and then remember what I have, my boys don't know .

I just want too have my old life back! My friends are nice but they don't get it. Yes it's really ***. 
 

I got to the point where im like just tell me because I can't get much lower. It's just one hurdle after another and the waiting is just torture
 

I certainly know what you mean about your Hair, I hide behind mine I have really long blonde hair that I love. 
I will send you a friend request much love too you x

Hi Snowdrop,

Breast Cancer Care produce a booklet entitled Talking to your children about breast cancer. You might find this helpful. Breast cancer is one of the most treatable types of cancer. The children can have counselling too, if you feel that this might help them. Your breast care nurse may be able to arrange this.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

I was lucky, as my oncologist was fantastic and went through the oncotype score quite thoroughly, explaining it all and what it meant. She asked me if I wanted to know the reoccurrence probability before saying. I'm so glad I had the test as it showed that chemotherapy wouldn't do anything for my cancer. 

I'm in that situation now, I'm weighing it all up and trying to decide what to do for the best. 

X

I hope mine asks me if I want too know rather than just telling me, I think if it's on my terms too know I will feel better. 
 

I hope that even though I'm a grade 3 it comes back low but I'm clutching on straws. 
 

xx

I was worried about losing my hair too. It was the thing that worried my youngest daughter the most - as she is quite attached to my hair (she is 6). 
 

I was told that I would definitely lose my hair, but I could try the 'cold cap' if I wanted. None of the medical staff were very optimistic about the cold cap, but I thought that I would give it a go just in case. I am about to have my 4th round of chemo and I still have a relatively full head of hair. It's thinner than it was, but only I can tell. There is a small bare patch by my ear where the cold cap didn't touch, so that shows me that it must be down to the cold cap that I have kept hair elsewhere. 
 

It definitely doesn't work for everyone, and I may still lose it all (3 more Chemos to go), but I just wanted to give you a little hope (if you really want to try and keep your hair). You have to enter into it expecting that it may not work though. I didn't find it too painful at all. It's a bit of a shock for the first 10mins and then you tend to get used to it. In fact I keep thinking that the machine has gone off halfway through, but it hasn't. 
 

I opted for a short haircut before starting, but it wasn't really short, a long pixie cut type thing.

Just thought I'd share my experience as I never read anything positive about the cold cap! 

Thank you so much for this, I haven't read anything positive about the Cold Cap. I am going too definitely give it a go! I hide behind my hair and I can't imagine not having it. 
 

I appreciate you sharing this with me and I wish you well in your Journey xxx

Hi Snow drop

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your dear Dad, and your recent diagnosis. Losing a parent is such a tough time (I lost my Dad 13 years ago) but to have a cancer diagnosis ontop must be very hard to bear. 

I was a little older than you when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Nov 2019 at the age of 43. After breast pain that had gone on for a few months I finally saw the GP and was referred to the breast clinic. After numerous biopsies and ultrasounds I ended up having a mastectomy and was told I had three tumours (one a grade 3) in the breast and a large 10cm area of DCIS. Due to the grade 3 I also had a sample sent to America for oncotype testing, but I had no lymph node involvement. My score came back low so I didn't need chemo just radiotherapy. So don't feel that it will be the long haul that might not be the case, mine was hormone sensitive so i'm on hormone therapy now for 5 years.

Having always eaten healthily, non-smoker, breast fed my kids etc, I went through all the emotions that you describe. I was angry for a long time afterwards. Why me? Why wasn't it that smoker I saw outside the hospital? Why not that overweight woman I saw in the street? Why me with two young kids one of which had just started school?

But as time went on I made peace with it and started to think why not me? It's sadly such a common cancer I came to the conclusion that it was my turn, simple as that and sadly tomorrow it will be some other lady's turn to get this devastating diagnosis. 

The initial diagnosis and treatment is a whirlwind to get through and for a while you will feel like your life has been taken over by medical appointments but it gets easier as time goes on. Two years on I am not as fearful as I was, I take my hormone tablet in the morning and get on with my day. I try to focus on what will cancer teach me? I try to turn the experience into something positive. I've made friends with another local lady same age as me who has also been through it, and we laugh together about how our bodies have changed. Humour is a great coping mechanism. If there are local groups where you can meet other women of a similar age going through it, I urge you to go when the time is right for you to meet up with people. Husbands, family and friends are great, but nothing beats talking to other women who just 'get it'. Who understand why you have broken down in tears for the tenth time that day, or why you are achy, tired, fearful of the future, whatever it is. 

But this is all for later down the road, I'm sure that as well as grieving for your Dad your main focus right now will be just trying to put one foot in front of the other and getting through the day. 

If you haven't already do give Breast Cancer Now's helpline a call. I called several times when first diagnosed. They are WONDERFUL! There are nurses and women who have previously had breast cancer at the end of the line, and they are there to support you with the emotional side and any questions regarding the medical side of things. They are truly fabulous. They calmed me down in the early days when my mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour.

Wishing you lots of luck for Tuesday, and hope it all goes well. 

Nameste x

Hi 35 and BC

I hope you don't mind I was reading your reply to snowdrop about your option to go into early menopause by having your ovaries removed, and thought I'd reply as that was an option for me too, but after delaying it last year (due to covid) I started on Zoladex (Goserlin) injections. I was put off this option by several people including my GP as the side effects can be pretty lousy. If this is something you are considering as an alternative to surgery, from my experience I've been fine on it. Sometimes a week after the injection I feel low and tearful but it passes. The injection itself is fine too a sharp scratch and then bit tender at the injection site, but I just go home and put on jogging bottoms, the next day I'm fine. Sometimes a small bruise might appear at the injection site. Of course side effects are very individual, but in my experience I would give it a go as a good option to surgery. If you have bad side effects you could always go for surgery later.  I'm on Tamoxifen too but I think my oncologist will switch me to an AI in the new year.

Wishing you all the best whatever option you decide on.

Nameste x