Hi SnowDrop, 

You are not alone, far from it. I am a little older than you, but I still feel too young for this. To be honest I expect everyone feels like that no matter what age they are! I was diagnosed in August with grade 3 breast cancer on my 43rd birthday. I have 2 young children.  I spent the early weeks really struggling to come to terms with it. Why me? How is this possible? I don't deserve this etc etc etc. 
 

Since I have accepted it, as a hurdle that I will overcome it has been easier. Especially as treatment has started and I am on the road to getting through this. 
 

This has come at such a hard time for you losing your father. I'm so sorry that you have been diagnosed at this time. You can trust that you are stronger than you know and you can do hard things (I tell myself this a lot). 
 

I joined a local support group and I met people, mostly who were many years post cancer. It helped me, not only were there other 'younger' people, but there were 2 people now in their 50's who were diagnosed at my age with young children. It helped to give me hope and to have less of the 'why me?' feeling. It helps when you discover how many others there are. 
 

I also got 6 sessions of free counselling via zoom from ringing the Macmillan helpline. They referred me via bupa (I rang them quite a lot, often in tears!). This maybe helpful for you too, especially as you work through your grief for your dear dad. 

I'm sorry I can't help with the emotions you are feeling, but please know there are so many of us, all finding our own way through this. 

x
 

Hi Snow-drop,

I offer my sincere condolences on the loss of your dad. To have a diagnosis like this so soon afterwards, must have come as a terrible shock. It is good to hear that you have already had a lumpectomy, but you must feel frustrated that they haven't achieved a clear margin and that you have to have further surgery on Tuesday.

If you can bear with all this, you should find yourself back to doing more normal things with your contemporaries soon. Visiting hospitals so often is no fun, but we're lucky to have them at our disposal. We usually reckogn that  we lose a year with surgery, treatment and recovery before we begin to get back to normal again.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer 12 years ago and had a second bout the following year. It was a challenging time throughout surgery and treatment, but I now live a busy and fulfilled life. I agree with what Noplacelikehome has advised. As you start your treatment you will begin to accept this  and, you will find that it becomes easier to cope with. The more positive you can be about your lot, the better you will get through this.

Talking to someone about how you feel can be a help too. There are a number of charities who provide counselling services, as well as Macmillan. Your care team or GP should be able to suggest some local to you. There are also local support groups which you may find helpful.

I hope that things improve for you soon and that all goes well for you on Tuesday. Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi snow-drop

I'm 35 with 2 boys and very similar to yourself, went alone to my appointment to get told the same news. I wasn't prepared for it at all. Turns out mine is a grade 2 22mm ductal carcinoma.

I've had a lumpectomy also and my tumour went off to America for testing. All the results together, has meant my journey has now followed a radiotherapy path. I went everyday this week and back again Monday for more. It's tiring going everyday. It seems like I'm the youngest in the waiting room.

I'm so sorry about your dad. I lost my dad 12 years a go and my mum 6 years a go. I've found this journey quite lonely. I would give anything to have my parents support through this. Family and friends have been great but no one knows what it's really like to go through it and what is going round your head all the time. I completely understand how you feel. Why us?

X

Thankyou for your lovely reply. I will certainly look into getting some counciling, I suppose I'm just feeling a bit sorry for myself, I can't actually remember who I am anymore. 
 

Your right once I have my plan I will feel much better, things keep changing. 
 

thank you so much Sarah xx 

Hi, Are stories sound Similar, mine was 19mm oestrogen positive and HER2- and I was told due to being contained and a grad 2 I would most likely have Radiotherapy after Surgery.  I was happy with this. 
 

Unfortunatly they Graded it a 3 after my lumpectomy, I got my head around all the other possibilities like if it' was in my nodes or HeR2+ but that floored me. 
 

My letter says that young women with grade 3 wil have Chemo .

I haven't told the boys anything and wanted to keep it that way they associate cancer with Death as both grandads died of it. Of course if I lose my hair I will hv to say something. 
 

I am so sorry you lost both your parents, that must be so hard for you, I couldn't imagine how extra hard your journey must be without them. 
 

i don't think people realise quite how we feel, I'm more scared about it returning and I'm only at the start. 
 

I hope your treatment goes well, and we can put this behind us soon xxxx

Morning. 

I felt a bit better after seeing my oncologist. The surgeon was great but after saying they were going to throw it all at me being young, it gets you overwhelmed so I'm sure once you get your plan and can discuss it all, it will help.

Having the oncotype testing score is a great tool. Although it takes a while to get the results and you're left waiting and imagining in between before then seeing your oncologist, I was told mine was low and chemotherapy would do nothing at all for my tumour. It's came back showing 8/8 ER+ and 8/8 Progesterone+ Completely fed by my hormones so I've now started Tamoxifen but I've been offered to go into menopause and have the option of having my ovaries out next.

My boys are 12 and 9 and my family is complete so I'm lucky that I have no worries or hopes around fertility now. I have only just told my boys. Once I got told I didn't need chemotherapy anymore, I felt it was the right time to say about my journey to them. I found it a relief to be able to answer a call in front of them or not whisper when people asked me anything. I never lied to them before I explained what I had, I just didn't tell them. My 12 year old thanked me for telling him. Everyone is different so do what is right for you. My nurse told me to consider telling them straight away but im glad I didn't. 

X

Hi, 

How did you get your head around the Onco Score, I am scared that if it's high I will always have more of a worry about Re-accurence, it's worrying me so much. 
 

I have already been asked if I wanted too harvest my eggs, like you I'm happy with my boys ao said no. At my last meeting she mentioned that there would be a possibility that I would need my ovaries removed aswel, she said I would have an injection while I was on the list.
 

I do not want to seem Vain but I'm only 5.1 and size 10, I have been on the depo before I had the boys and put on over a stone. I'm just concerned that with Tamoxifen and this other injection plus chemo I will put weight on so would prefer my ovaries out. 

I think my ER was 7/8 and I don't know about progesterone yet hopefully the fact it's 7/8 is a good thing. 

I will feel better once all the Skeletons are out of the cupboard, bit gutted about Tuesday as layed on my side last night for the first time in a month and it was lush ️. 
 

I appreciate you replying it's really helped me xx

Hi Snow Drop

I am in a similar situation. 

I was diagnosed on Thursday with invasive ductal carcinoma.  It is grade 3 and has spread to my lymph nodes. 

I have a CT scan next week which is frightening. Assuming that is clear then I will be starting with 4 rounds of chemotherapy and then surgery.

I have a 4 year old and 10 month old so it is incredibly upsetting. This time last year I was getting ready to have my baby and now I have cancer and he's not even one!

Always here if you want to chat or we can private message xxx 

Oh I should add that I am 41 x

Hi hun,

gosh I am so sorry that we have met on here! So scary for you,, I am sure your CT scan will be okay your Lymph Nodes would of done their job.,! I am so sad for you! 

I walk around thinking is this actually happening or is it a dream,..

No one really understands how we feel it's a feeling I can't describe. I am sending you positive thoughts for your results! Waiting is the worst but I hope that the CT is clear, we will be okay xx 

Im Also here if you need me