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Best friend diagnosed with terminal cancer. Heartbroken

keelys
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I had the most awful news a few days ago my best friend has terminal cancer and no treatment available I've been through this with my dad he died of terminal cancer 4 years ago worst thing I've had to go through but now my best friend she doesn't want to see me she wants me to remember her how she was I'm broken in 2 I want to respect her wishes as she's very private but I really wanted to see her 1 last time I cannot believe I'm writing this but I don't know how I'm going to cope without her I don't even know how long she has left but I'm guessing not long if treatment is not offered and doctors saying there is nothing they can do for her I want her to know I'm always here and I'd drop everything in a heartbeat to be with her how can I go about this without sounding selfish because I'm not far from it I just want her to know thank you please help me 

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    Last year my best friend since I was 11 was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 46 nd I was frantic. I went a bit mad sending flowers, buying her stuff etc. I was always trying to ring her because I wanted to know what was happening - she's a drug addict bless her so her priorities meant I could hardly reach her and I was upset she wasn't updating me/including me. I also rang her gp because at the beginning they didn't seem to be taking her symptoms seriously.

     

    My husband tactfully pointed out that the fear of losing her was making it more about me and my emotions. As I began to accept the situation I calmed down and respect the way she wants to deal with it.

     

    I don't see anything wrong with you writing to her explaining you'd love to see her but respect her decision but are there for her. I really feel for you because I'm in the same boat.

  • Offline in reply to Anon.J

    She has days left so there's no time I haven't heard from her today and I'm assuming the worst as I know how fast it can be we have been friends for 18+ years it's bloody hard 

  • Offline in reply to keelys

    I feel for you. I've been friends with her for 35 years and never really had another friend. Tbh if you live nearby I'd be tempted to just turn up x

  • Offline in reply to Anon.J

    I can't disrespect her wishes as I wouldn't want someone to do that if it was me in that situation 

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    Are you in touch with her closest family member? Perhaps write a note on a nice card and ask for it to be passed to her. Keep it short - tell her you love her, she is in your thoughts and you are there for her, no matter what. She will know how you feel and she may change her mind but don't be upset if she doesn't. When someone knows their time is limited they can only cope, physically and emotionally, with a small circle of family, and perhaps friends, to share that time with. They also may feel guilty at their nearest and dearest being sad and upset in their presence so they make decisions that may seem harsh to their friends and family but it's their choice to make. It's hard for you but accepting her wishes is the most selfless, loving thing you can do for her. xxx

     

  • Offline in reply to AngieT

    She is with her husband I don't have his details but I've just had text from her thank goodness I was thinking the worst as I know how fast it was with my dad she's lost a load of weight and looks a mess this is why she doesn't want to see me because of how she is looking now and I completely understand that she's a very private person and i tell her everyday I love her in a text xx

  • Offline in reply to keelys

    That's all u can do. My friend looked so shocking over s year ago but she's still here x

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