I have always been best friends with my mum, and lived with her up until 2 years ago (I'm 34) 3 weeks ago she went for a camera down her throat as she had some pain after eating. Now we are told she will be gone within the year. 

she now seems to have deteriorated so quickly I can't even stop for breath to try and absorb the information. 

I am in unbearable pain and don't even think I've got over the shock already. I'm caught between so many feelings - terrified for her and hate that I can't help, she is choosing chemo to prolong her life - but no taking the treatment will reduce her quality of life and be extremely painful to watch... and I'm dreading life without her. 

I am spending so much time with her, but feel guilty I'm not spending enough. 
I feel like I'm stuck in a bad dream, it doesn't seem real and I am barely coping now.