Hi 

Sorry to hear the news about your mum.

It's totally understandable how you feel you don't say how old you are and as I'm same age as your mum I'd take it you  are similar age to my son and daughter 27 and 31.

We always expect our mums to go through life being there with no problems so when something like this happens it's a huge shock and realisation of how precious to us they are. 

I got diagnosed with breast cancer in March had surgery in April and started chemo in June. When I told my son and daughter due to distance of where we live and covid restrictions I had to tell them on a zoom chat as you can imagine it was awful. We have since met up a few times and have held each other tight. They worry about me and I worry about them its a mum.tning lol.

Sit with your mum talk, cry, hug you will find the strength to then be her rock. Make her laugh (it does help). Try to talk your fears through with someone else after she will have her own and at times going through this is all consuming. 

Best wishes to your mum.

Louise x

Hi Gary my heart goes out to you, it really does, I was  diagnosed with terminal lung cancer with a prognosis of 6/8 months. I had to go home and tell my family, my 5 children who only 2 are left at hone at the time my son of 20 my daughter of 19 I was just 54 and it's the hardest thing I have every had to tell them suddenly I had gone from 4 months of remission to terminal. As soon as the words terminal cancer was out of my mouth my daughter was up and gone screaming at me I don't want to hear it, you are lying I tried to go to see her, as soon ad she saw me she started screaming at me asking me why I was being. Horrible and she didn't want to hear anything I had to say. I literally had to leave her to get to grips with things in her own time, I honestly did not know what to do with regards to finishing or anything she went straight into denial. I know she would not talk to me for weeks, That's how she is if I told her off just ignored me for weeks. She would talk to her dad, we said he wasn't to say anything about cancer to her, let her ask him. My son he went extremely quiet didn't ask any questions or anything I just saw his eyes filling uo a bit. However all my children are very much like me if they staff to fill up the worst thing you can do is to go wrap your arms around then they put there hand up to stop you just as I do. I went to make  move he put his hand up, the difference between him and my youngest daughter I knew my sons both of them there will be a time that suddenly the floodgates will open, same with my 2 eldest daughter. But not the younger one. The only thing she said to me and she must of been listening, was if you are going to lose your hair this time you had better buy a wig then she fluncex out of the door. Now later in the week she had been out with her friends she had, had a bit to much to drink just tipsy not drunk suddenly I felt her crawl into bed with my holding on to me for dear life. I put my arms around her she stated sobbing saying mum I don't want you to die. I said neither do I but unfortunately it's my time is coming. I told her we all have a time to be born and a time to die and we can't change that. It's just what I believe and I had made my piece with it she's crying her eyes out now and asks me why can I always be so calm about everything in life including you dying please please mum don't die. I said I have no choice darling I just told you that but you have so much to live for. You have your whole life ahead of you yet. Suddenly she kissed me and said I love you. So although you can't stop crying I have had a daughter who went totally into denial, what might help you, ask your mum if you can go along to the next appointment. That way it may give you a deeper understanding of what's meant by prospects are good. I do know that the prospects are very good with breast cancer depending on a lot of factors age at what stage she was diagnosed at what stage of What staging means yes I could tell you in general terns. However it's as I said Genral terms not back into the prison room with everything going off I believe you needed to be out of that room one off my older daughter is a nurse  I an 5ft 6 darling. Sorry about that one of my daughters wanted to know my hight. Going back to the daughter who wanted to meet, we suggested half way. Which her having well you leave here in plenty of time.....  my daughter who is a nurse she's one of the best in her field she's a emergency  organ transplants heat and lungs. There were times I have told you I did tell her I had nothing to hide. Anyhow she came out of there and said mum why haven't you told us you've a mirical. You have metastatic terminal lung cancer diagnosed 6 years ago with a prognosis of 6/8 months, my GP says the same I don't think I am a mirical he was cold and as usual my grandson and I walked away from the making a mess, then my youngest son came and asked me if Hanes would like a sandwich. Which he's done now.  It's now been 11 years since I was given the terminal diagnosis. No one knows why I  have defied the odds, my statues as changed to matastatic palliative lung cancer, yes I am still dying problems no one knows when. The only thing I refused to do was to burst into tears abs say why me I haven't done that my philosophy as always been and will remain as we do have a time to be born and a time to die. I know I was asked to give extra bloods and nippy tissue I know the made a few tweaks here and they're using the drug I pulled out of and using it in a more standard way. Enabling people a better chance of survival. Were I went on to have immunotherapy and my cancer is stable. I do know one day as I call him the grim reaper is going to cone and when he does it's going to throw us alk off and I will be gone in a flash. But until that day comes. I struggle around and make the best of my life I will not lie. The second lot of chemotherapy the drugs have done damage to my bones, breathing, various other ways and it's something that no one ever tells you the long term affects of chemotherapy, the pain is horrendous and I am limited to what my thyroid lungs and bones are capable of no longer being able to do and my short term memory is arrrousus however I am still here. So please do not be ashamed of your mother having to comfort you. Us mothers do fummy understand yoh knos. Far better than our children   Just don't know it's how easy we can be made redundant.  ..... I really hope my story as been a help best of luck Gary to you and your mum Marj xx

Hi Marj,

Thanks so much for your reply and story.

Recently I've been trying to take on as much responsibility as possible to help my mum out, I have moved back in with her and my girlfriend was planning on it but she's unsure because of how my mum will feel during treatment - in that she might want space to herself or get annoyed my the sound of the TV.

I need advice on what you think whether you would want your family and their partners around during your treatment.

Best regards and best wishes with your treatment, glad to hear it's been 11 years!

Garry x