My boyfriend who was 52 and had been a smoker since he was 11 but smoked unfiltered baccy was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and kidney cancer and he affected his voice box too this was diagnosed back in November last year after having various blood tests. He had been having some signs but totally ignored it.  Just after Chfistmas he had a CT scan which showed up a large non small cell cancer towards the middle of his chest and in one of his kidneys. He  was told alone he had terminal.lung cancer. We were both devastated with the news and he had to find out on his own due to COVID at the time. He started a course of Chemotherapy which lasted for weeks this made him very ill being sick pain etc. Then to be told after the treatment it hadn't worked. So then after a few weeks started radiotherapy for 12 weeks and after weeks again we were told the tumour has shrunk in size which was fantastic news. But then after the next scan it had gone into the other kidney because the radiotherapy had concentrated on the biggest mass in his lungs.

He was 14 stone and was losing weight so fast it was frightening he had MRI scan and it revealed a abnormal lump in his head which turned out to be cancerous.

I was so upset with this news as it was turning aggressive we lived together and I cared for him 100%.We had the district nurses in for pain relief which was getting more and more. I came home from work and he was on the floor I wasn't sure if he had banged his head but he couldn't get up he was so frail. His clothes were dropping off him he wasn't eating much that was a worry. He was saying that he felt hungry but couldn't eat anything. Again I was watching him detoriate I front of my eyes. He had little interest in doing things and I was trying my best to get him out and about. But pain was the problem he ended up in hospital after being admitted and spent 2 weeks in there with them trying to nurse him back to health but he still wasn't eating just taking drinks complain to try and build him up. He came out of hospital and was discharged with equipment to help him at home though hardly used the orthopedic bed as the mattress was too hard and he ended up in our bed because it was softer and he wanted to feel close to me. We were under pallective care at home and they said we will manage his pain at home he will be OK and might still be able to have the numotherapy when he's well enough that never happened because he went down hill and they were looking at 24hr nursing care..But then cane the design to put him in a hospice  for rehabilation not end of life which was a relief they will build him up so he can come home and have the treatment. But it wasn't to be as the cancer progressed spread to his spine he could hardly walk he stopped eating altogether went from 14 stone to about 7 stone which was shocking as he was 6ft and slim but not anorexic built. He was fit and healthy before this. But it took its toll and we were told by the drs there that he had 2 weeks to live as he asked weren't definite though. He declined even more

Then he detiorated day by day not eating not walking sleeping all the time  pain was worse so a morphine driver was introduced and had to be checked regularly. His weight just dropped off him and he was getting weaker and weaker I'd visit him alot on restricted visiting times but he was getting poorly day by day. I had a talk with the consultant and he said his demase could be a couple of days. I was so upset I kept it to myself and 3 days after I got a call and they said he is dying anc I needed to go I turned up at 5am that morning with his 2 sisters very scared as I had never gone through anything like this before. I held his hand it was ice cold his eyes were looking up as he was under sedation and pain killers so he wasn't with us. We were told that he coikd hear us so j was talking to him telling him i loved him and I would never stop loving him. That he needed to go and meet his family and sleep and I would be there when he woke up. I played his favourite song and he died 2hrs later  on 25th June 2021 it was sudden But it looked quite upsetting as he had a death rattle and was struggling to breath as it was blocking his airways. I was telling myself it wasn't him just a shell it was a shocking site due to Cancer invading his body so sad.

I did everything I could as ihe wanted me to be there at the end and I had cared for him. But now he's gone I miss him so much the house so empty and I am lonely. It just hasn't sunk in yet.