Hi :) 

posted here before after getting a bad smear result and it helped to be able to just let it all out, as I've not told very many people, nearly 2am and I can't sleep so thought I'd do it again. 
 

bit of history 

March 2020, had smear test and vulva check 

April 2020, had lletz showed CIN 3 and also had VIN 3

September 2020, knew myself the VIN was back, went back for more tests 

October 2020, had another lletz and wide local excision 

April 2021, test of cure, yippee no VIN, but those damn smear tests!! Still have HPV, high grade dyskaryosis, and this time it's showing early cervical cancer.  
 

I knew already before I got called in it wasn't going to be good news. We had already discussed a hysterectomy if the HPV was still there and the abnormal cells, and was told they would just go ahead and get me booked in, and would call me. Also the big box of tissues right in front of me was a bit of a give away. 
no way of doing another lletz, to actually find out the stage of the cancer, not enough of my cervix left. So it was decided to have a MRI, go with the plan of a simple hysterectomy ( who names these I don't know cause there's nothing simple about it lol ) and then wait until they biopsy everything to know exactly what's going on. 

I didn't really retain much of what she said to me, something about the cancer being either A or B and we want A. I was laughing in my head that I've never gotten an A in anything in my life. But there's a first time for everything :) 

So today was my pre- assessment and my MRI. My consultant was pretty sure nothing would show up on the MRI cause the cancer cells have to be a certain size, and it was only 6 months ago I was last tested and I didn't have cancer then. All I can think about is yeah I only had a 5% chance of the abnormal cells coming back each time, and that happened a few times, and then that only 1 in 20,000 people with abnormal cells will go on to actual get cancer. ( yeah I've been Googling ) 
 

So had the MRI, damn those things are loud. Greys anatomy never showed you that! Thought it was lovely I got to chose what music I wanted to listen to, before I realised that the only time I could actually hear the music was in between that annoying voice telling me how long this sets of scans was going to last, and then all you hear is the machine again. 
 

Now I already knew they weren't going to tell me anything, they arn't allowed. But I still asked anyway. 

There was a young guy there training and he was the one that sorted me out afterwards, took out the cannula out of my arm,  the main guy was still in the other room.

So I said to him, "hope you didn't actually see anything", his face dropped, he looked towards the other guy and then without actually being able to look at me said he wasn't allowed to tell me anything. 
he might need to work on his game face a bit more lol 

So I'm excepting a call to say the plan is going to change. After 4 kids the bikini will never be out again, so I'm not bothered about being cut open instead of laparoscopic. 
 

The waiting for results is always the hardest part. 2-3 weeks after the operation I'll know what the future plan is. I could need another operation or they could just go with chemoradiotherapy. 
for me that's the hardest part not actually knowing what is going to happen. 

But looking on the bright side, your uterus weighs 2lbs so that's going to be a pretty good weight loss day. Plus hospital food and no visitors allowed, I could have a new personal record for the week :) 

right I've waffled on for long enough. 2.30am now so really should try and get some sleep