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Coping with my dads diagnosis

Gem3491
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I'm 30 years old and my dad is 60 he was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer on Tuesday after a very tough 10 months of doctors phone appointments X-rays and different diagnosis. His breathlessness just kept getting worse he had a broncoscopy and when he got the results on Tuesday it was devistating I never thought we would be told it was cancer. They have said he's got 6months-12 months to live without treatment and with treatment he could have 18months to 2 years which is so scary. Don't even want to think about life without my dad. He isn't coping very well and we need to wait another 2 weeks before he goes in for his other biopsy's to find out which type of small cell he has. They have said it's only confined to his lungs so they aren't worried. I'm just so scared about the journey we are now all going to go on and just not coping at all morning and evenings are the worst and I go from being alright through the day to suddenly bursting into tears. Both me and my other 2 sisters just can't cope with it all. So scared for the future 

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    Hello Gem3491,

    I empathise with you and your sisters and hope you can support each other during this difficult time, and help your dad with his illness.

    I am 34, and my dad is in his 70s. Just yesterday, he was told that he has a tumour on his kidney, but the consultants will meet within two weeks to discuss his case. It was only found because he was undergoing additional tests from his altered blood work (so this is the positive), due to ongoing prostate cancer treatment, from a diagnosis and operation several years ago. Just as you describe, this morning, while eating breakfast alone, I burst into tears, which is unlike me, but in such difficult times, maybe it is only expected. I believe I would never reveal it to my parents for their sake, so I hope this online forum could help with processing the situation, because for me at the moment, I have extreme guilt for not being able to directly help as I was working overseas and am border-restricted due to the coronavirus pandemic. My hope is that after his consultation, the outlook will be promising, but also that I could be more certain of my next actions, because ultimately, I want to be there for my parents, even though they tell me to keep focus on “my life”, as they are incredibly proud; just as all loving parents are. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and if you want to share further, please do so by replying. Take care, J.

  • Offline in reply to Jo8617

    Hi jo8617 

    thanks for getting back to me. Yeah me and my sister we are helping each other. It's just such a tuff time. Thinking of you and your dad pray for some positive news for you and your family. I'm trying to be so strong for my dad but after I've visited him I always cry once I leave. Need him to think I'm being strong to give him positivity and so he believes he can fight this 

  • Offline in reply to Gem3491

    Hello Gem3491,

    Thank you for your reply and for your prayers. I am glad that you have support from your sister, because as you say, it is really difficult, and any help makes things that little bit easier to cope. I understand that feeling and pressure to be strong because dads are our hero’s, but try to think that crying is not a weakness it is an expression of our love and also a mechanism for us to release sadness, which I believe could help physically and mentally by not building up the tension and anxiety within us that is such a difficult time as it is. So if you need to cry, you should, and how is best for you, which like me is where nobody can see. And with you and your sisters there for him, I am sure he could feel that support and love, for him to fight this terrible disease. Keep positive yourself and do want you need to get through. Another practice I do, is sing the songs in my head that we would together when we used to drive in the car during my childhood, and it lifts my spirits a little. And for your dad, I found that reading information on the type of cancer may help, as it can give a sense of control over it, in the sense that 'knowledge is power'. So, maybe it could help him cope better, because that is how we approached his prostate cancer diagnosis, and how I plan to get through it this time, with his kidney tumour, by understanding it somewhat. Take care, J.

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