Hi guys I said in my last post I would make an update post so here u go.

Today went better than I expected parents reaction wise. Unfortunately I wasn’t wrong about my cancer it’s not a nice one at all essentially it’s meta sized I think is the word so basically it’s spread and is considered stage 4 and it can’t be cured it’s also a very rare cancer so it’s new ground for the doctors. I already sort of knew this so it wasn’t a massive shock but it was still a very emotional moment. Right now obviously I’m anxious about the future but I’m relatively calm and think I’ve taken it well. 

Like I said in my previous post I knew it would  be a horrific moment for my parents. My mum cried a lot but what hurt more was my father who just sat there eyes staring at something. Sort of like his soul left his body (I don’t believe in god btw whole other conversation). This was probably the toughest thing I’ve ever had to see in my life. But from this point things get a little better. Still not good but better. 

now we know what cancer I actually have I don’t know the full name but if anyone wants to know I can say but like I said it’s a rare one so you wouldn’t know about it anyway. We know my plan is chemotherapy for the next 6 months so 8 cycles of 3 weeks. When I walked in the consultants room I had this thought in the back of my mind that they were gonna tell me I had weeks left to live. And of course things can change and that scary thought could be turned into a reality. But they are confident that I will finish my 6 months of chemotherapy. So I know I have some time. Well like I said the scary thing is we don’t know but it’s looking likely. From there a lot of it’s gonna be touch and go dependent on the chemotherapy results I guess. I think they said radiotherapy was looking like a more likely but surgery could be an option. Basically we got to wait and find out.

Essentially the way it’s looking it’s very unlikely it can be cured but there could be a chance that it could be held at bay In the future. unfortunately as horrible as it is to hear for me and probably you guys but my time here is essentially going to be cut shorter is what I’ve learned today. Of course I’m scared of this but at the moment I’m relatively calm and I think only time will tell how I’m going to cope with this.

Some positive news let’s get some positivity in this post.
Yesterday I was concerned this would break my parents beyond repair and I can tell you it hasn’t done that. After the consultant thing was over we went straight to a centre for support. My parents organised this the morning before. When I woke up I was going to talk to them about how I wanted support for them as well as me like I said in my previous post. It was great to hear that they both accepted they needed support and took steps I was going to make. I guess I needed a little more faith in my parents. 

The support session was definitely a good thing for them me as well we talked a lot to a lovely women who was really good for like an hour and I think it helped us all. At the time my dad was still in shock like I mentioned before. He had times were he just simply wasn’t in the room mentally staring emptily at nothing which was scary but he did talk about his feelings truthfully. We’ve agreed to go to more support groups we are all keen to do things group relaxation sessions and stuff as a family and different types of support which is great and what I wanted.

The journey home is an hour and at first I was concerned my dad wasn’t going to say a word. My mum was talking to him and me and he was just sort of driving not really answering but as the journey went on he did start to talk more and more I think some of the shock wore off or something which I was grateful for. 

When we got home we chilled out like 30 mins with my nan who had been babysitting my 3 siblings which I don’t even think I’ve mentioned before if anyone here is following my story or something then plot twist 3 new characters
Twins -16 boy and girl
Brother - 13
My nan had already been texted by my parents so knew the rough idea . She obviously wasn’t good but she seemed to be coping ok one thing my mum and also nan are very positive about is the fact that one of my chemo cycles is going to be a clinical trial and the doctor mentioned something about some positron therapy (began with a p don’t quite me on that) or something which dependent on the chemo and how I am could be an option in the future. Realistically the positron thing probably won’t happen but I guess it is a bit of hope of something that could help and also the clinical trial. My mum seems to focus on this clinical trial being a good thing a possible thing that could help me. Essentially from what I know the clinical trial is just a round of chemo
With some things changed to make it more/less effective. Will  this clinical trial have a massive change on me. No I don’t think really but it is giving my mum and my nan positivity is this a good thing? I don’t actually know but I guess maybe with a lot of bad news is a thing she talk about excitedly because well it’s not bad news just sort of neutral. If anything it is bad news because the clinical trials are happening because this cancer is rare so they wanna learn about it but I guess positivity can’t hurt.

Back on track to my parents. Especially my dad now. He’s actually doing better than I thought. Unfortunately I thought the worst so he’s not good in any way shape or form but my dad has transformed from negativity 1 week ago. Scary neutral at the consultant to positivity. He’s viewing things In a realistic way.  And really sort of said it how I kind of think. 

Yes this is *** it’s a horrible thing but he’s thinking positively about appreciating each day. and helping me through this chemo. I think at the hospital he let my cancer kick him to the floor and riddle him with bullet holes. But know I think he’s stood back up. Now I know that cancer is a journey a *** tough journey and he’s probably gonna get kicked down again the same thing is gonna happen to me too. But he stood up today and I’m very happy he did.

My siblings dealt with it pretty much as I expected it obviously was very tough. But my parents did I think as great of a job as you could do and I’m proud. My siblings are all going to get support as well we are really cracking down on that. I want to talk more but this post is already too long I actually need to sleep it’s 1 am that’s bad but I guess I wanted to do this. Sorry my siblings aren’t well developed characters in this story I will fire my writers. But anyway I’ve said preety much most of what I want to say.

Tomorrow is another challenge my 2 best friends we are literally the 3 musketeers. Only know I have a cancer and that it was a bit bad but they don’t know the truth. I plan on telling them tomorrow in person all the details so I will probably not be able to sleep as I will be thinking of ways to tell them. In fact if you made it this far and have any advice about that then I would appreciate it 

Thanks for listening to my story I appreciate it so much.
take care everyone ️