Hi [@loulou95]‍ 

I am really sorry to hear about your Nan, it doesn't matter whether someone in your family has been previously diagnosed or not, getting the news is always horrific and you never know what to expect.

My Nan was diagnosed with Lung cancer and it had also spread, she was told that chemo was not an option but did offer her radiotherapy, which she did have, but it did not help her or make anything any better for her. She lived down in Cornwall and we live in Devon so that my parents could look after her, she moved in with them. Macmillan were fantastic and a nurse came out everyday to help look after her, a hospital bed was set up for her and she was made as comfrtable as possible. She was always a very strong woman and worked until she was in her 70's, so independent and it was horrible to see her needing to be looked after.

She was very strong in her opinion that she did not want to be taken into hospital or into a respite home of any sort, no matter what. Thankfully although my mother did at one point nearly put her into one, I strongly reminded her that was not what my Nan wanted.

She did not make it past 5 months after her diagnoses and it was horrendous to see her decline, but it gave me time to sit and talk with her for hours, to make sure she had around her what she wanted.

I wish I could tell you there is hope, but you just can't know how much or little time is left, so making sure she puts her wishes down now of what she wants and doesn't want is a good idea.

There is so much emotion involved around this and anger, denial, hope and devastation are all natural responses. Now that I have been diagnosed with Cancer, I actaully find it easier to deal with my own diagnoses than I did with hers. It unfortunately is going to be a rough few months and it is going to hurt you all, but try and find a way that when your are spending time with her to not focus on being upset but enjoying that time. Feel free to get in touch with me if you want to chat.

take care

Kay

Hi [@loulou95]‍ 

How sad that it has all happened so quickly, it is a horrible thing to think but with my Nan I was hoping it would take her quicker so that she didn't have to go through months of pain, it is horrible to watch someone you love suffer, my Nan was in her 80's. We knew she was near the end and didn't think she would make it til Christmas - that was my selfish thinking of wanting her to stick around longer, really what difference did it make whether she made it until Christmas or not!! On the 21st December I took my daughter over to see her and we pretended it was Christmas Day and gave her presents and spoke for a while. After I left she went downhill and died a few hours later - I was the last to have a conversation with her, I sometimes feel guilty that maybe she was hanging on for Christmas and I tricked her so she felt she could give up. It is weird what goes through your mind when you are grieving, but my daughter got to spend one last Christmas with her.

It is always worse for those left behind, when our loved one is now at peace and out of pain, she may not live as long as you would like but she has lived. 

It may sound strange, but Can you remember Happy Feet the film and Persil did these soft small penguins as free gifts, my Nan loved it... I had given it to her and she held it in her hands the whole time, it really comforted her, I don't know if it was just holding something and feeling it there or something else, but it helped...

Take Care, there are people here you can talk to if you need to talk to a stranger and vent...

Kay

Hi again @Kay-d 

I just thought I'd post an update. Thank you for all of your words, they did really help me. My nan has really been suffering with the pain, yesterday she was extremely agitated. Constantly moving to get comfortable. Unfortunately I was woken up this morning to the news that we lost her early this morning. She had no one with her as it was very quick. I am just so shocked that not even a week ago she was taken into hospital. Given 2 months, then weeks and she didn't make it a week  

Just can't help but think she must have known, she must have felt lots of pain at home.

Take care, Louise x

Hi [@loulou95]‍ 

So sorry to hear your Nan passed away and love to you and your family while you go through this loss and grief.

Take Care xx