Hello.  I was rushed into hospital on 27 December with a blockage, emergency surgery followed and a large chunk of colon was removed, a stoma put in which I am really struggling with, they removed a large t4 cancerous tumour that had spread to a lymph node and I found out onTuesday to blood cells. The oncologist said if it comes back it will be within 2 years maximum and there will be nothing that can be done. He also said that my mortality was 5 years or less.  I started chemo and have been so ill, seems I had a bad reaction, so back to it next week in a reduced dose. It’s over 2 weeks since the first infusion and I still have pins and needles in my hands and face.  I am 53 on Thursday.  I feel like I am going mad it’s like an ear worm ... I feel panicked into sorting everything out but also wanting to live and do all the stuff we’d talked about when we retired.  Feel angry that none of this was picked up despite me going backwards and forwards to the gp with infections from July last year, a scan booked in July wasn’t arranged until November by which time there was a blockage and they couldn’t do it.  My heads a shed as they say ....