Morning  [@Syborg]‍ So sorry to hear about your wife and for what you are both going through.

It is a very hard time and so much to get your head around, have you been able to go into the appointments with her and hear what is being said?

I remember when I was diagnosed back in August I went on my own and just dealt with it, it was only when I went home and had to tell people that it started sinking in.

I can understand that you are feeling lost and in just as much as a tail spin and we do often forget about what others are feeling around us and often find it difficult to communicate everything that is swimming around in our heads.

I feel your wife is dealing with it as best as she can and you always hurt the ones you love, you can shout and scream at them and know that they still love you, she possibly is feeling very scared about losing a breast and whether you will still be attracted to her, it will affect her own self esteem and she is probably wanting to feel close to you now before she loses her breast.

The road ahead is scary and it moves so fast to begin with and then sitting around waiting for answers tends to just grind by slowly. There is no easy answer as to how each of you should feel or how to deal with the situation, it is just taking each day, showing her you love her regardless and that you are with her every step of the way, it is going to be hard for both of you and something that neither one of you can put to the back of your mind, I can understand her want for sex, whilst she is still whole (as she would see it) because after surgery, just the pain and numbness and the inability to help yourself for a couple of weeks, then the treatments of Chemo or Radiotherapy will be hard too, she won't feel like sex then. Just don't be hard on yourself, allow yourself to have these feelings and let her see it too, cry together, cuddle together, talk and find something to laugh about, anything to laugh about.

Of course you are lost, so is she, just find each other in this time.

Kay

Hi Kay, thank you for responding, no, I've not been allowed in with her. I was on the phone via speaker for the surgeons appointment yesterday.. there is much to process its all very tricky. 

Hi [@Syborg]‍ 

That probably has helped that you can't be in the appointments as your not getting to hear firsthand what is being said and information always gets lost when you try to repeat it especially as you do switch off to some of what is being said to you, your brain kind of just takes a pause to process and yet they are still speaking to you. But at least with the phone calls you can hear and hopefully have been given the opportunity to ask questions yourself.

All these decisions are being made and your not part of it and that will make you feel even more helpless. Your Wife is probably looking for some control too as all of this is out of her hands. I decided not to have all the treatment that I was offered and my daughter was not happy about that at all, it was just about taking some control, making some decisions for myself. Once your wife has some breathing room from all that is being bombarded at her she will have time to reflect and make some decisions, not all decisions are set in stone, just because she may not want reconstructive surgery right now, doesn't mean she can't change her mind.