I panicked at diagnosis (informal diagnosis where they tell you they can tell its cancer from scans but biopsy will confirm). I wrote a poem to help process my thoughts:

Like being knocked sideways

Completely off my feet

Reality down the whirlpool

I can hardly hear them speak

"Keep this piece of paper,

Until we see you again"

I can't even look at it...

Feel like I've been hit by a train

Both my legs are bouncing

I cannot keep them still

I thought I was in charge of my life?

Now I have no free will

The woman sits and comforts

With her soothing voice and hand

But all the voices go into one

I'm sinking in the sand

"I'm sorry", I keep telling them

Through the tears down my face

I have no control of myself

It's just too much to take

They're trying to reassure me

It's treatable they say

But we don't know the extent of it

Thats for another day

It's what you see on tele

It doesn't happen to me

Cancer doesn't have a face

Until it's yours, you see

So now I'm on that journey

That no-one wants to take

But one in two will get it

So check your bits for f***s sake

Now all lifes other problems

Are insignificant to me

They've disappeared, overtook

By the presence of the C

I've learned from it already

That other stuff don't matter

When this sh** hits you round the head

The rest is idle chatter

It gives you a perspective

An immediate life lesson

Don't assume you know what's coming

Cause life can give you lemons

What I am good at though

Because I've had to be

Is making lemonade

From the lemons thrown at me

So bring it on you b*****d

I'll fight you all the way

I'm too busy for this sh**

And you're not here to stay

F*** you, cancer! 

By Amanda B