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Need advise to help my partner through this

Dlc
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Came across this site on looking for support and a few helpful words. My partner is 54. He’s just been diagnosed with prostrate cancer. We went together for his result and his Gleason score was  7 (3+4)and (4+3). He can’t remember how high his PSA result was from his GP. He is going to be offered radical prostatectomy. At present he’s just started to take bicalutamide hormone tablets until his appointment for surgery. We are in the uk. I’m very strong for him but when alone I feel so scared for him. I know he’s struggling deep down and it breaks my heart. He’s a strong man that doesn’t say too much about this. He’s taken it well I think. I’ve looked into the surgery more and also prostrate cancer. I’ve now had to stop myself looking as much. I’m trying as hard as I can to be supportive. Today he said life is so hard. I just wanted to cry for him. If anybody can recommend any helpful advice to get us through it. I would appreciate it. I’ve told him we are in this together and we are. Even though it’s him who carries this horrible disease we are both going to get through it. Thanks you in advance for some much needed support.

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    Hi Dlc,

    im so sorry to hear your partner had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. My dad was diagnosed with this 2 yrs ago. His PSA was very high at 1566. He wasn't offered an op as his has spread to his hip. Due to having a heart condition and being older at 75 yrs old he cannot have chemo but he is on a hormone drug which has been very successful. His PSA is now down to 0.56 which is a very positive result. My dad cannot be cured but he can be treated. He lives a very normal life and you wouldn't know he was ill. Please don't drive yourself mad looking at google as it will only offer you worse case scenarios I found this forum fantastic as I read threads from men going through the same as my dad who are all very honest and positive. Try not to look too far into the future. One step at a time. 2 yrs ago I was so petrified for dad but it is amazing what can be done to treat or cure this cancer so stay positive. Feel free to ask me anything

    sending love 

    Ashley

    xx

  • Offline in reply to ash1871

    Thank you so much for the reply Ashley. Yes I have stopped looking more on Google. I’m glad your Dad can be treated. It’s just so frightening the word cancer. He’s has a long way to go but I will most certainly be always there for him. I have told him that we have to remain positive and of course he’s going to have bad days too which is understandable for anyone going through this. 

    Best wishes to yourself and your dad xx

  • Offline in reply to Dlc

    Hi Dlc

    I don't have any advice, but wanted to say we are in the same position as you, so know how hard, and how scary it all is.
    My husband is 40, and we have 2 young children,

    his MRI at the end of December showed PIRADS 5, and T3b. He had his biopsy 2 weeks ago, and we have another week to wait for his urology appointment, waiting is torture isn't it.  I just keep thinking it could be getting worse while we wait.

     Like you, I keep researching the internet, I just can't stop myself. Whereas my husband doesn't want to know, until he has too. 

    L x

     

     

  • Offline in reply to L777

    I know that feeling well until we had the results on Tuesday just gone. That’s the worst part is waiting for the result. My only advice there is to try and keep busy as much as you can. It’s still in the back of your mind. But if I’m honest now we have the result We know what we are dealing with and what has to be done. Though we were shocked at the result I had to remain calm to listen to everything they said. I wish you both so much luck. Please let me know how your husband gets on. 

    Best wishes xx 

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    Firstly, I'm really sorry to hear about your husband, I totally understand the rollercoaster of emotions that you feel when someone you love is diagnosed with this. 

    From someone who's in a similar situation, but with my mother. 

    The first piece of advice i would give you is to not look at google. This really doesn't help, in fact, its made it so much worse for me. The second thing i would say is if you can, try not to let it become all consuming in your thoughts (i know fully well this is VERY hard), because then you will neglect yourself and you will need to be strong for your husband. When you can, take a walk outside, have a bath and make sure you're eating. Small acts of self care will help you so much over the course of the next few months when you will need to be strong.

    Wishing you so much luck and love. I hope everything works out for you. XX

  • Offline in reply to Dlc

    Hi Dlc

    how are you and your partner doing? Have you had any further news on surgery?

    My husband had his appointment today, so it's official, atleast we know now. They said it's Gleason 7 (4+3) also.

    it doesn't look to have spread but he'll have a PET scan to be sure. Then he/we have some decisions to make, so I'm back to this forum.

    Surgery is not definitely an option, and if it is, it's likely radiation will still be needed.  There's so much to take in.

    L xx

     

     

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