H

Had results today from biopsy on tonsil and now know its cancer, its all been really quick what with scans and hospital visits so not really had time to think about it now it's just starting to sink in but I'm pretty positive, I'm told its spread to a lymph node has anyone else had this 

HiAli

I am sorry to hear your diagnosis, but the first thing I would say is there is always hope. Al my friend here has the same and is currently undergoing all the treatment. He is having a six week course of radiotherapy and chemotherapy over most of the week meaning daily trips. The first thing they have to do is make sure you have no teeth that will get corroded by treatment so need removing first,. They then measure you for the mask this apparently is quite comfortable. They then arrrange the neginnings of the treatment. It will not be easy so you will need a good support system around you - family, macmillans, friends especially when you have down days. Some people loose taste buds during treatment some can find swallowing hard but if you look back on our talks there are mouth exeercises to do. 

Find all the exciting food things you love that are highly flacoured and stock up you will need to keep your weight up and need things that are exciting to make you smile. 

good luck i am here is you want to talk. 

stay strong x

Hi Alli

know the feeling about being a techno phob lol i am useless too even though i have to use the computer quite abit i know what i need!! 

glad your being positive. 

mine is a different road to yours they have found that i have necrotising granulomatous inflammation and they have to now find out what ha caused it and how or if it can be treated. 

i went down the same emergency route as every body else - i developed a lump under my ear that swelled to a walnut shaoe at christmas. muy doctor quickly put me on the ENT tracking and i was seen the beginning of January. The nasal endoscope identified an enlarged tonsil that appeared cancerous so i was sent for an MRI with contrast medium, and booked in for panenscopy and biopsy. 

the MRI with contrast revealed that the tonsil was the main culprit and other areas were from this so it was decided to remove the offending tonsil as well as the panenscopy. the tonsil was sent for biopsy and found not to be cancerous but necrotic granulomatous and so the other three areas in my nect were biopsied to verify this diagnosis. apparently there appears to be three reasons for this and they are TB, wengers disease or idiosyncratic. so iam awaiting a referral to the respiratory clinic. Thankfully at the moment iam being furloughed because the lump gets inflamed quite often and i feel pretty rubbish, very tired, wake with congested face, cough with exercise etc so thats my brief story not probably what you expected. 

however, having gone through all the main diagnosis scares etc i can fully appreciate what you and Al go through. i dont know what my future holds if TB can be healed in 6 months of having medication that is cytotxic like chemo drugs are if Wenegers then more serious if idiosyncratic then a worry because who knows. 

the main thing i have realised is that on here whatever we have we are support and friends, we can share experiences to help others know what to expect. Hopefully when Al is feeling better he and i can get back to his website to further provide help. in the mean time i check in daily to see. 

enjoy the sun today it should be glorious will be nice too sit in the garden for a short while. 

take care x

Morning

That sounds scary really hope you get get the right treatment soon and get on the road to recovery, its really helped chatting on here cause can feel a bit overwhelming sometimes and I don't want my family to see that, last night I read about the effects of chemo and that was scary but I need it to beat this, I'm guessing Al is in the middle of chemo hope he's ok, the day looks lovely so will be in garden with book and a cuppa hope you are well enough to enjoy it to have a good day

Alli x

HI 

i am here to chat whenever you want. Anything that seems over whelming just write here it will make things easier for you. This is like a diary page really. 

try not to concentrate too much on the side effects - yes they can be awful but it depends upon the person so it may not be as bad for you. Al is going through it now and is on his last week he hasadditional issues to the cancer so i suspect this is why he is not answering. to begin with he found it ok, then he started loosing his taste buds. if you can go back on the diary there are some mouth exercises that are really important to do. 

one is as you swallow try and hold just before you swallow. that is hard. 

next stick your tongue and hold between your teeth and swallow. 

move jaw side to side but not so it hurts. 

remember this is only a temporary part of your life chemo only lasts a few weeks. 

today is still quite sunny was expecting it to be horrid after all ther weather forcasts they have predicted bad weather. however, have a slight temperature today and nose is running madly so the infection is raging. Husband not too good either so doctor called for him. 

moved my bird table closer and boy two fat pigeons were wwaiting for seed hmm not quite the lovely *** or blackbird was hoping for !!! they only just fit too but at least not the rats. I suspect they have belly ache since i put out a square bird fat thing and it had disappeared the following morning some one had a party! 

well remain strong x

AL still here !!! thinking of you 

Morning

How are you and your husband feeling hope your ok, have you had any news about your treatment yet, all ok here reading your posts is a real tonic and after reading your last one was looking out window into garden and wondering were robin's go in summer as I hadn't seen one for a while, then out of a bush popped a robin and it came right to the end of the grass and looked at me, will have to get some bird feeders will be nice watching them while I'm stuck home, have exploratory surgery Tuesday so hope they find a way to get it all out, hope you have a good day

Alli x

Hi

friday morning and still no news however, thankfully hubby ok have to get more antibiotics for him - he will be seriouslyrattling with the amount of tablets he is on !! 

Brrr hasnt it got cold today what a difference and a bit breezy too. shame had hoped to put the seeds out in the sun. Have decided to grow celeriac, butternut squash and sweetcorn in my veggie patch this year the only seeds that have decided to show their faces at the moment are the sweetcorn the others have decided my place is obviously not good enough. hmmm Was listening to the neighbours today - also quite amusing at times when they have little bickers about this should go this way no it shouldnt it should go this way etc. quite entertaining.They are mulling over an awning they got from a friend who didnt want it any more and have decided to put it outside the bedroom window. The otherside are indoors if the weather is good they come out and always have a natter over the fence but it means i never get much work done!  I think the birds have also decided its too cold to visit this morning and they would prefer to stay in bed.Main job in garden is to dismountal the hen coup and run so i can make it over into another sitting area. undid a few screws and unravelled one side but have had to doze this afternoon came over feeling bad. will do bit more tomorrow. 

have a good rest of day.

Glad Alli you have your op on tuesday will be good to get it over.- have some good ice packs ready in the freezer you will want them.

Al your chemo sessions have finished so hopefully you will find out all ok. speak soon. 

take care all and stay strong. x 

Hi

wow hasnt the weather changes today hope you are all wrapping up well - AL in Wales I hope you have a lovely heater on!! 

what a change shame for those wanting to celebrate Easter with family or friends outside. 

The cats have decided that i am comfortable and safe and warm to snuggle up to so i have a line of three integrated cats next to me while I write this and a large dog on the bed too! Poor Pedro since being shaved he is now feeling the weather and i had to cover him last night. - how to make you feel really guilty!! mind you when i only have about 10cm to sleep in iam not that guilty!

Shugs was restless last night and a bit vocal then i realised why Rogue the tortoise was trying to snuggle into her bed and she was not amused. He is amazing all the animals are in awe of him he has no fear! he will just walk uo to you and bit your heels or shoes ! silly isnt it this small prehistoric animal scaring all the others that loom over him. 

up early on painkillers and have to go to collect the meds then i may concentrate on just writing my introduction to my research on pain in hedgehogs. so fascinating when you get involved in learning and love the way things like pain interact with stress, anxiety and fear it explains a lot of our reactions to things like cancer. pain is the external stimulus that travels via pathways similar to anxiety and fear it is a protective mechanism making us want to sleep and recuperate but at the same time can casue fear the wanting to escape but we cannot since it is our bodies lumps that are fearful and that is why it can be so stressful. 

well wrap up warm 

keep safe

enjoy the day

stay strong 

x

Happy Easter 

I hope you are getting this sun it has been cold but glorious sun watching it from the window and then a huge fat pigeon blocks the view lol! 

it has been a lovely mellow day although i have tried to do a few jobs and i have a lovely dog cuddled up next to me. Even treated myself to a beanburger with a few chips and salad for tea. things still get caught at back of mouth but am learning to live with it. 

enjoy the sun let the rays heal. 

x

hi easter monday and it is trying to snow here - only a little but boy it has gne cold. the wind is battering outside and have had to turn on heating grr. fat balls out for the taking but no one has looked yet. they are probably all snug in bed. 

hope you have a quiet day or not keep warm and cosy. in a. ot sure what i feel like doing day today so will probably do exactly what i said keep warm and cosy. 

think one of my girls has laid an egg i ccan hear her from here! love the way they get so excited about an egg. = wonder what colour = white or pinky brown. 

take care 

keep strong x

hi 

hope today goes well. 

cold again cannot believe the change in temperature hope you are wrapped up warm and cosy.

still no news will try booking in a telephone appointment with doctors to discuss my neck sometime. 

woke up to be snuggled up with the bengal boys so cute - may have a bit of a crook neck due to being squashed to one side ! but they kept my head warm or as suspect my head kept them warm!! Pedro was also next to me bless him and tort is next to radiator. At least that meant he was keeping his distance from Shugs. 

excitement yesterday some of my celeriac seeds stated to emerge so pleased but still not impressed that none of the butternut squash have. - feel i have been done! the sweetcorn are doing well love watching new growth emerge. 

went to lift the new bag of corn to the hens and thought this is a little light perhaps i am getting better being able to lift this so was quite pleased until i went to empty into the metal bustbin and discovered the mini mafia had chewed a hole in one side and had eaten a lot of the corn the buggers. no  wonder they have been keeping a quiet distance recently. 

well not sure whsat i will get done today but hope you are ok

take care and keeop strong x

Hi Elona

Hope you are feeling better any news on treatment, I had op yesterday to put cameras in to see what they can do unfortunately I can't have surgery the *** has welded itself to my jaw and is to big now so looks like the chemo route, just got wait to be told what's next, any new visitors to the bird table

Alli x

Hi Elona

Hope you are feeling better any news on treatment, I had op yesterday to put cameras in to see what they can do unfortunately I can't have surgery the *** has welded itself to my jaw and is to big now so looks like the chemo route, just got wait to be told what's next, any new visitors to the bird table

Alli x

HI Alli

Sorry to hear your news but on the positive at least you only have to have one difficult passage chemo not chemo and op. I always try to find something positive out of everything if i can. Reminds of a really really old film I love about a little girl who lost her parents and had to go live with her aunt in a very old house. The aunt didnt want her and there were no children to play with so she made up good stories and used to find good things for the villagers etc. Then one day she had an accident and broke her legs and the villages all rallied round her leaving her pressesnts and telling the aunt all the stories. It might be considered pathetic in todays standards but helps me see the good in everyone and everything when sometimes it can be hard. (think age has also helped mellow me lol). Any dates? 

no news on me yet sigh so have arrange a telephone consult with doctors for 19th to see what they have to say and think. 

Had the cutest sparrow today in my garden so sweet. I was over the moon lthough it didnt appreciate my appearance! it tried to shuttle down the side of the garden by the fence I thought it was a baby mafia. !! Wol tells me they are planning a wedding party soon hmmm.

put out some fat balls on the table and np one seems to like them what a waste but no wonder they were reduced! cant blame the birds if they are rubbish. Trouble is at the moment the wind is blowing the seeds away. However, pigeons have been around as i have seen their silhouettes on my windows through the blinds. 

The jackdaws are nesting in my redundant chimney again i dread to think what fire hazard that chimney must be lol they come back every year. Think they must be quite successful. 

Think positive, 

stay strong 

x

looks lovely outside but things are a bit deceptive. there is a cold breeze in the air, no wonder i have animals cuddled around me. the weather is very disappointing because ilove seeing the new plants emerging and the daffodils at this time of year makes me smile and smiling is an imoportant healing process. I have eventually got some celiarac seeds emerging yay or at least i hope so and not weeds lol. will keep posted. 

the fat balls have still not gone so will have to replace with seed I think they are putting of the other birds and even the pigeons who are quite suspicious. Not sure how they can think a fat ball is dangerous but who knows. 

Al hope your feeling a bit better now you have finished your chemo sessions.

Alli hope your ok 

have started getting my brain working again it has not been easy with meds but the paper iam writing on hedgehogs is coming along slowly and iam getting quite interested into the ins and outs of pain, fear and stress and pain leading to pleasure etc. understand why we like chillies now lol and why pedro keeps m

licking his sore. 

apologies about writing not quite there yet keep making mistakes and having to go back and change. 

anyway going to do a different small job today 

stay positive and strong and smile your day away! 

saw a beautiful male blackbird on the bird table as soon as i had removed fat balls - quite a handsome fella. this morning woke to practically all the seeds gone but it is still quite windy so definately need to get some more. 

pedro decided to give me a heart attack this morning the hubby left the gate open and he was running out in the road. thankfully a lovely van driver had stopped and he came back aas soon as i called. didnt do my blood pressure any good lol it was 155 over 100 and pulse 112. i have to test at the moment but had been putting it off think it is connected to my neck. 

the little or rather bu=ig *** is now settled on my bed which i have crawled back into to have a cuppa and chill. 

sun is shinning again so deceptive looks lovely and would love to go out but its still cold. may do a job indoors. 

keep smiling and stay strong 

Morning

Wish I was as positive as you I'm in a bit of a dark place at the moment after speaking to the Macmillan nurse, I was asking what happens now and she said it goes in front of a board of experts and they decide whether treatment is curative or palliative I didn't even think there was a possibility it would be palliative and now feel so scared cried myself to sleep trying to be brave but feel so sad, sorry to be such a misery she did say I'm a young at the beginning of our conversation which is good but I'm 53 is that young so maybe she was just describing the process she did say she didn't have my information so she couldn't say what would happen so maybe getting ahead of myself, have to wait till the 14th till I know my fate, hope your ok

Alli x

Hi Alli 

I know the dark place your in and it is hard but until you know for certain there is always a light at the end of the tunnel and there is always hope always hope no matter what they say for instance there are many new trials going on all the time so it is possible you would be accepted for that. I think the nurses have to give you all the possibilities from the extreme palliative to the curative. I have been reading about my condition and it depends upon where the condition is to living 5 years to not having mmuch more problems. Unfotunately the waiting is again the pain in the preverbial because you wish you could be at the board discussion and be able to have your say after all they have your life in their hands. I remember mine the oh you are having more biopsies then we are referring you on as we dont think you belong to our clinic anymore bit like a piece of meat not do you mind because ...... 

just try to see that bit of light that always shines at you in the corner of your mind and focus on all the things you want to do then start to plan doing some of those and make a list of all the things you want to eat or have not tried and start eating them because if you have chemo which i cannot see why not then you mayb loose your sense of tast so start enjoying it while you have it. It is not the end of the world it is the beginning of a new chapter in your life one that mybe a pain but one where you still can enjoy life and have the wonderful family and friends around you. Be honest tell them when you are down but look outside see the bees - boy some of them are fat!! all those ladybirds at the moment, listen to the gorgeous bird song and be happy you are alive. I am here with you like Al all the way to listen to those worries and demons we all have if you want and write something that might bring a smile.

shrug those shoulders, wipe those tears, decide on one thing to wrote a list for. By the way I am also 53 so we are young!!! plan a distracting weekend. 

i have just planted 220 plug plants am knackered now! they are so tiny and fiddley will be great if they all survive we will have to see. Celeiarc seeds now emerging yay! not sure about the butter nut squash yet though. it has actually warmed up so get out and soak up the rays! 

take care, smile and stay strong x

Hi 

Thank you again for lovely positive words I e-mailed the Macmillan nurse and she called me back and said that there's no reason the cancers not treatable and to be positive, I think I just took her words literally and practically had my funeral planned so I am looking to the future again and I'm feeling calmer just hope the mdt feel the same, how will it work with you can they give you medication to keep your illness under control or cure it how are you coping, I know what you mean about the bumblebees they are huge my garden is full of worker ones that are black with red bottoms I wonder how there little wings get them off the ground sometimes lol I'm going to invest in a bird table and encourage the robin to keep coming back

Take care and thank you again for making me smile x

Alli 

Brilliant there you go the positivity of life. 

i went and got more birdseeds from the garden centre yesterday. The gardden centre is the only place i have allowed myself to go to due to my infection and covid. i actually have not minded not going anywhere am. a person who can obviously cope reasonbly well on my own if i have to. 

feeling a bit sore after planting all those plug lants yesterday but hopefully if they all grow my garden should be quite pretty this summer. the interesting thing is i dont know what they all are since it was a special surprise packet! i can see some begonias and geraniums but dont know the rest. so exciting!!! 

in reply to your questions thank you for asking - if it is like TB then yes cytotoxic medications are used and can cure. Have to have them for 6 months. if wengers disease then the same i believe. other reasons who knows i have to wait and see. iam checking vitals to give doctors next week when i spek to her and they seem worse in mornings airflow is down and blood pressure up am( slight hypertensive). not horrendous so removing of tonsil has helped. am very much in limbo at moment. 

love your fat bees too they are great critters and very beautiful to see. it looks cold today and a bit dull probably because sun is not peeping out yet. will have to ask him why not when i go outside. its the weekend and people at home would like to have a good weekend. 

have a good day today hubby has bought a nintendo switch a huge extravagons that we cannot really afford but i think he needs cheering up sometimes and he is aching to go out even if to supermarkets lol so it arrives today. 

we also have a zoom with some friends later to look firward to. 

my task for the day is a small section of floor to clean so i can make hubbby his cd shelving unit we have had boxed up for ages lol. reminds me of those peopple you hear about that have unfinished rooms for years - well since iam the only one who can do anything this bungalow is one of those !! it will never be perfect and superbly clean after all i sleep in the conservatory but it is mine. 

have a great weekend now you are happier with your condition and yes invest in that bird table its worth it not just for those birds but for your enjoyment too. Two positives out of one definately a plus! 

am going to feed the fat pigeon 

keep smiling and stay strong x

Morning

It sounds like you have a busy weekend planned hope CD unit goes ok I'm a disaster putting things together the wi sounds fun though, its the 19th you go to doc's isn't it hope that they can get you on the road to recovery as soon as possible, feeling an lot better today so think I may tackle some cleaning I'm still in the thinking phase lol

Hope you have lovely day xx

Hi see you have met another friend Bobby that is good - great to have as many friends as possible to discuss things with. 

Turned out my day is one problem after another lol - that is because i was expecting a day of fun hahaha should have guessed - anyway have no sorted out the problems and await my zoom talk. 

boy it is perishing cold outside took Pedro to the field and saw a metal detector looking for bits and pieces = cant say i was hugely impressed the only thing that interested me was a tiny farthing coin. Pedro just sat down and patiently waited he was not impressedd either! we wont bother in investing then he said he just keeps everything to himself so i was a bit peeved as the owner had stopped us walking on the field but then said he could dig it up and keep the findings - something does not compute perhaps she does not like our dogs? 

going to be frosty tonight and cold again tomorrow that will be fun the neighbours want us round for the outdoor barbeque with me in PPE lol wrap up warm me thinks! 

caught the two fatty pigeons havning ruckus in the hedge - more interesting than my measly seeds i think at the moment. 

have good evening 

smile and stay strong x

Yay the sun is shinning and what a wonderful surprise to hear from Al so thrilled to bits. 

Alli hope your having a good sunday.

Hoping the sun is not to deceptive since we are suposed to be going next door for a BBQ the first time me and hubby have been out except for doctros etc since Christmas and even if it is next door it will be nice. Still a bit dubious about meeting people incase i could be infectious, but it is outside so should be ok. 

think i over did it yesterday had a headache all night so that made me a bit hypertenisve this morning - am suposed to be testing for a week twice a day already forgot last night and only 2 days ion lol - useless!!! so i am sitting in bed writing this with morning cuppa recovering before i get up and guess what a huge fat pigeon has arrived lol.they maybe vermin but they are quite handsome. I am surprised he did not knock over the bird table when he landed! He is now stuffing his face - good. 

The nintendo arrived yesterday with the ring game - totally extravagence when we really could use the money on more sensible things like a skip, house etc but it  has already brought abig smile to the hubby and that is good to see him interested in something. i wanted the ring because i need to try and get some excersices done and refuse to do them to stupid people telling me to do this that and the other when i physically cannot so as this is moving the ring to do an adventure game i am hoping i can get round some of the moves with this! should be hilariously funny watching me try. I must at this point mention I have spinal stenosis in my lumbar vertebrae due to herniated disc i did at work years ago and arthritic hips, hands lol bit of a crock really lol. 

job fir this morning if i can manage is to get the cd shelving unit made hmm maybe a tomorrow job. 

well enjoy the sun and keep smiling and stay strong x