H

Had results today from biopsy on tonsil and now know its cancer, its all been really quick what with scans and hospital visits so not really had time to think about it now it's just starting to sink in but I'm pretty positive, I'm told its spread to a lymph node has anyone else had this 

HiAli

I am sorry to hear your diagnosis, but the first thing I would say is there is always hope. Al my friend here has the same and is currently undergoing all the treatment. He is having a six week course of radiotherapy and chemotherapy over most of the week meaning daily trips. The first thing they have to do is make sure you have no teeth that will get corroded by treatment so need removing first,. They then measure you for the mask this apparently is quite comfortable. They then arrrange the neginnings of the treatment. It will not be easy so you will need a good support system around you - family, macmillans, friends especially when you have down days. Some people loose taste buds during treatment some can find swallowing hard but if you look back on our talks there are mouth exeercises to do. 

Find all the exciting food things you love that are highly flacoured and stock up you will need to keep your weight up and need things that are exciting to make you smile. 

good luck i am here is you want to talk. 

stay strong x

Hi elona

Thanks for replying to me ive just read through the pack they sent me so trying to process all the info, the Macmillan nurse is lovely and I'm lucky to have a lovely family just wish I didn't have to put them through this, I'm a very positive and cheerful person but I'm struggling with the feelings of panic that are coming from no were, I'm waiting for the appt now to tell me what stage its at so think ill feel better when I know what I'm dealing with

Alli x

Hi Alli

Take everything at your pace where possible because it is as Al described it to start with a whirlwind and I remember going through it at the start like that too. Try not to think of it as the big C as evryone describes it because that makes it terminal and not everyting is. there is hope for everyone. make sure you talk to all your nearest and dearest so theyknow everything when my husband had to loose his leg a few years ago the worst thing i found was not being told everything and that mad me panic. 

It sounds weird but every step i had i had to treat as an adventure so it didnt sound scary because i also panic and my blood pressure goes sky high lol. Obviously everyone has to do things the way they seem fit and what suits them so we can only ssay this helped us. i would also say another friedn of mine with cancer told me she plans the week ahead with soemthing to look forward to at the end of the week where she often gets the family to take turns cooking with a theme. give yourself as many distractions as possible. Walking my dog was a good destresser since it made me concentrate on walking and whats around me so i could not think about anything else. Unfortunatley i cannot do that at the moment so i plan little jobs around the house to do. 

take care 

here to talk if you want 

stay strong x

hi Al 

well time to relax weeks treatment over hope it has gone well. 

sun is trying to shine through but its gone a bit cold again however, watch this space it is supposed to be really warm monday!! 

mini mafia out again caught the baby on the bird table yesterday i sprayed with appparetn repellent containing mint - natural product obviously rubbish!! hubby tells me they are planning an engagement party tomorrow!! hmm 

actualy had a good day yesterday - see must have been the sun - i started working again on the hedgehog book iam trying to compile. The idea for this is a compilation of all the work done on wild hedgehogs. there are a lot of books but not one that compiles everything together. it will probably take me for ever and never get finished but hey another hobby! it helps when we write courses for interested people. 

might try five minutes in garden again today. 

socrates my african grey is also enjoying this morning he is being really chatty he can have a really good conversation with himself if he likes starting with hello and ending with bye! there maybe a little bit of swearing if the middle depending upon his mood! 

well keep your pecker up ! 

Hi all 

Feeling better today got appt for Monday so will know what's ahead, thank you elona for your reply will find something to look forward to each week today 2 friends I've not seen for ages came to see me which was lovely, will post after appt hope everyone has a good weekend

Alli x

Hi 

hope everyone has had a good weekend and managed to gorget their troubles and strife even if for a short while. 

Al the last week of treatment this week so hoping all ok. 

Alli hope to hear your news after tomorrows meeting hope that goes ok. 

HAve had a little more mental energy today so started to write my hedgehog book chapter and also introduction into pain. I want to research pain in hedgehogs and identification of. This has been done in humans using various scoring methods and also cat, dog, pig and cow but not our little critter. something that has been on back burner like most things. Felt good today doing this. Shame about pockets another two books purchased. eek! I was also tempted by a new job until i sat down and thought actually at moment this would be stupid since i have no energy to do it. hmm sad. 

Pedro has given me the cold shoulder since he stayed with his brother - you would not think animals could would you but boy he has. I did not get any usual jump up grest, wag of tail just the "eye" then a w" well i suppose i may sleep on your bed tonight but only because it is comfortable!" he had also over done it so decided to greet me with vomit and diarrhoea! the joys!!! 

colder than hoped today very disappointing but did manage to go for a walk to the field and back. hoping we do get that lovely weather tomorrow as promised but suspect may well change agin lol at least it is now summer time! time to soak up the sun!! 

well hoping to hear how you are soon Al.

take care 

monday hope all has gone well today. My lump is inflamed today being annoying and still no appointment. 

however, sun is shinning so managed 5 minutes in garden today and also walked pedro to field and back. he is now resting next to me. hubbby informed me that he had a word with the mafia to sweep up their cigarrette butts after their parties lol he comes out with the funniest of things and story lines. i gave up 5 yearrs ago and he has never smoked. 

also found another culprit for the bird seed the biggest and fattest pigeon you could fine could hardly fit onto bird table there was certainly no room for anything else. 

take care remain strong x

Hi 

am glad you have a favourable treatment even though it will be hard. I know you will have the strength and persiverence to get through this. I am here every step of the way if you want. Do you have a date for  the operation or not. 

I suggest you fill that freezer full of goodies you can eat in preparation. 

Al also prepared his bedroom so he did not have to move too far but could sit in a chair if he felt too tired to go into another room. 

Not so warm yet today which is a little disappointing since we had planned on sittin goutside with our tea later. i was also going to try and get five minutes done again in garden . 

keep possitive 

x

Hi

No date yet but will just be glad to get it over, im still positive and have spent day doing nice things while I still can im really appreciating each day, I'm a bit of a technophobe and can't figure out how to get back to all your entries how was your treatment did you have surgery and chemo how are you feeling

Alli x

Hi Alli

know the feeling about being a techno phob lol i am useless too even though i have to use the computer quite abit i know what i need!! 

glad your being positive. 

mine is a different road to yours they have found that i have necrotising granulomatous inflammation and they have to now find out what ha caused it and how or if it can be treated. 

i went down the same emergency route as every body else - i developed a lump under my ear that swelled to a walnut shaoe at christmas. muy doctor quickly put me on the ENT tracking and i was seen the beginning of January. The nasal endoscope identified an enlarged tonsil that appeared cancerous so i was sent for an MRI with contrast medium, and booked in for panenscopy and biopsy. 

the MRI with contrast revealed that the tonsil was the main culprit and other areas were from this so it was decided to remove the offending tonsil as well as the panenscopy. the tonsil was sent for biopsy and found not to be cancerous but necrotic granulomatous and so the other three areas in my nect were biopsied to verify this diagnosis. apparently there appears to be three reasons for this and they are TB, wengers disease or idiosyncratic. so iam awaiting a referral to the respiratory clinic. Thankfully at the moment iam being furloughed because the lump gets inflamed quite often and i feel pretty rubbish, very tired, wake with congested face, cough with exercise etc so thats my brief story not probably what you expected. 

however, having gone through all the main diagnosis scares etc i can fully appreciate what you and Al go through. i dont know what my future holds if TB can be healed in 6 months of having medication that is cytotxic like chemo drugs are if Wenegers then more serious if idiosyncratic then a worry because who knows. 

the main thing i have realised is that on here whatever we have we are support and friends, we can share experiences to help others know what to expect. Hopefully when Al is feeling better he and i can get back to his website to further provide help. in the mean time i check in daily to see. 

enjoy the sun today it should be glorious will be nice too sit in the garden for a short while. 

take care x

Hi Alli

know the feeling about being a techno phob lol i am useless too even though i have to use the computer quite abit i know what i need!! 

glad your being positive. 

mine is a different road to yours they have found that i have necrotising granulomatous inflammation and they have to now find out what ha caused it and how or if it can be treated. 

i went down the same emergency route as every body else - i developed a lump under my ear that swelled to a walnut shaoe at christmas. muy doctor quickly put me on the ENT tracking and i was seen the beginning of January. The nasal endoscope identified an enlarged tonsil that appeared cancerous so i was sent for an MRI with contrast medium, and booked in for panenscopy and biopsy. 

the MRI with contrast revealed that the tonsil was the main culprit and other areas were from this so it was decided to remove the offending tonsil as well as the panenscopy. the tonsil was sent for biopsy and found not to be cancerous but necrotic granulomatous and so the other three areas in my nect were biopsied to verify this diagnosis. apparently there appears to be three reasons for this and they are TB, wengers disease or idiosyncratic. so iam awaiting a referral to the respiratory clinic. Thankfully at the moment iam being furloughed because the lump gets inflamed quite often and i feel pretty rubbish, very tired, wake with congested face, cough with exercise etc so thats my brief story not probably what you expected. 

however, having gone through all the main diagnosis scares etc i can fully appreciate what you and Al go through. i dont know what my future holds if TB can be healed in 6 months of having medication that is cytotxic like chemo drugs are if Wenegers then more serious if idiosyncratic then a worry because who knows. 

the main thing i have realised is that on here whatever we have we are support and friends, we can share experiences to help others know what to expect. Hopefully when Al is feeling better he and i can get back to his website to further provide help. in the mean time i check in daily to see. 

enjoy the sun today it should be glorious will be nice too sit in the garden for a short while. 

take care x

Morning

That sounds scary really hope you get get the right treatment soon and get on the road to recovery, its really helped chatting on here cause can feel a bit overwhelming sometimes and I don't want my family to see that, last night I read about the effects of chemo and that was scary but I need it to beat this, I'm guessing Al is in the middle of chemo hope he's ok, the day looks lovely so will be in garden with book and a cuppa hope you are well enough to enjoy it to have a good day

Alli x

HI 

i am here to chat whenever you want. Anything that seems over whelming just write here it will make things easier for you. This is like a diary page really. 

try not to concentrate too much on the side effects - yes they can be awful but it depends upon the person so it may not be as bad for you. Al is going through it now and is on his last week he hasadditional issues to the cancer so i suspect this is why he is not answering. to begin with he found it ok, then he started loosing his taste buds. if you can go back on the diary there are some mouth exercises that are really important to do. 

one is as you swallow try and hold just before you swallow. that is hard. 

next stick your tongue and hold between your teeth and swallow. 

move jaw side to side but not so it hurts. 

remember this is only a temporary part of your life chemo only lasts a few weeks. 

today is still quite sunny was expecting it to be horrid after all ther weather forcasts they have predicted bad weather. however, have a slight temperature today and nose is running madly so the infection is raging. Husband not too good either so doctor called for him. 

moved my bird table closer and boy two fat pigeons were wwaiting for seed hmm not quite the lovely *** or blackbird was hoping for !!! they only just fit too but at least not the rats. I suspect they have belly ache since i put out a square bird fat thing and it had disappeared the following morning some one had a party! 

well remain strong x

AL still here !!! thinking of you 

Morning

How are you and your husband feeling hope your ok, have you had any news about your treatment yet, all ok here reading your posts is a real tonic and after reading your last one was looking out window into garden and wondering were robin's go in summer as I hadn't seen one for a while, then out of a bush popped a robin and it came right to the end of the grass and looked at me, will have to get some bird feeders will be nice watching them while I'm stuck home, have exploratory surgery Tuesday so hope they find a way to get it all out, hope you have a good day

Alli x

Hi

friday morning and still no news however, thankfully hubby ok have to get more antibiotics for him - he will be seriouslyrattling with the amount of tablets he is on !! 

Brrr hasnt it got cold today what a difference and a bit breezy too. shame had hoped to put the seeds out in the sun. Have decided to grow celeriac, butternut squash and sweetcorn in my veggie patch this year the only seeds that have decided to show their faces at the moment are the sweetcorn the others have decided my place is obviously not good enough. hmmm Was listening to the neighbours today - also quite amusing at times when they have little bickers about this should go this way no it shouldnt it should go this way etc. quite entertaining.They are mulling over an awning they got from a friend who didnt want it any more and have decided to put it outside the bedroom window. The otherside are indoors if the weather is good they come out and always have a natter over the fence but it means i never get much work done!  I think the birds have also decided its too cold to visit this morning and they would prefer to stay in bed.Main job in garden is to dismountal the hen coup and run so i can make it over into another sitting area. undid a few screws and unravelled one side but have had to doze this afternoon came over feeling bad. will do bit more tomorrow. 

have a good rest of day.

Glad Alli you have your op on tuesday will be good to get it over.- have some good ice packs ready in the freezer you will want them.

Al your chemo sessions have finished so hopefully you will find out all ok. speak soon. 

take care all and stay strong. x 

Hi

wow hasnt the weather changes today hope you are all wrapping up well - AL in Wales I hope you have a lovely heater on!! 

what a change shame for those wanting to celebrate Easter with family or friends outside. 

The cats have decided that i am comfortable and safe and warm to snuggle up to so i have a line of three integrated cats next to me while I write this and a large dog on the bed too! Poor Pedro since being shaved he is now feeling the weather and i had to cover him last night. - how to make you feel really guilty!! mind you when i only have about 10cm to sleep in iam not that guilty!

Shugs was restless last night and a bit vocal then i realised why Rogue the tortoise was trying to snuggle into her bed and she was not amused. He is amazing all the animals are in awe of him he has no fear! he will just walk uo to you and bit your heels or shoes ! silly isnt it this small prehistoric animal scaring all the others that loom over him. 

up early on painkillers and have to go to collect the meds then i may concentrate on just writing my introduction to my research on pain in hedgehogs. so fascinating when you get involved in learning and love the way things like pain interact with stress, anxiety and fear it explains a lot of our reactions to things like cancer. pain is the external stimulus that travels via pathways similar to anxiety and fear it is a protective mechanism making us want to sleep and recuperate but at the same time can casue fear the wanting to escape but we cannot since it is our bodies lumps that are fearful and that is why it can be so stressful. 

well wrap up warm 

keep safe

enjoy the day

stay strong 

x

Happy Easter 

I hope you are getting this sun it has been cold but glorious sun watching it from the window and then a huge fat pigeon blocks the view lol! 

it has been a lovely mellow day although i have tried to do a few jobs and i have a lovely dog cuddled up next to me. Even treated myself to a beanburger with a few chips and salad for tea. things still get caught at back of mouth but am learning to live with it. 

enjoy the sun let the rays heal. 

x

hi easter monday and it is trying to snow here - only a little but boy it has gne cold. the wind is battering outside and have had to turn on heating grr. fat balls out for the taking but no one has looked yet. they are probably all snug in bed. 

hope you have a quiet day or not keep warm and cosy. in a. ot sure what i feel like doing day today so will probably do exactly what i said keep warm and cosy. 

think one of my girls has laid an egg i ccan hear her from here! love the way they get so excited about an egg. = wonder what colour = white or pinky brown. 

take care 

keep strong x

hi 

hope today goes well. 

cold again cannot believe the change in temperature hope you are wrapped up warm and cosy.

still no news will try booking in a telephone appointment with doctors to discuss my neck sometime. 

woke up to be snuggled up with the bengal boys so cute - may have a bit of a crook neck due to being squashed to one side ! but they kept my head warm or as suspect my head kept them warm!! Pedro was also next to me bless him and tort is next to radiator. At least that meant he was keeping his distance from Shugs. 

excitement yesterday some of my celeriac seeds stated to emerge so pleased but still not impressed that none of the butternut squash have. - feel i have been done! the sweetcorn are doing well love watching new growth emerge. 

went to lift the new bag of corn to the hens and thought this is a little light perhaps i am getting better being able to lift this so was quite pleased until i went to empty into the metal bustbin and discovered the mini mafia had chewed a hole in one side and had eaten a lot of the corn the buggers. no  wonder they have been keeping a quiet distance recently. 

well not sure whsat i will get done today but hope you are ok

take care and keeop strong x

Hi Elona

Hope you are feeling better any news on treatment, I had op yesterday to put cameras in to see what they can do unfortunately I can't have surgery the *** has welded itself to my jaw and is to big now so looks like the chemo route, just got wait to be told what's next, any new visitors to the bird table

Alli x

HI Alli

Sorry to hear your news but on the positive at least you only have to have one difficult passage chemo not chemo and op. I always try to find something positive out of everything if i can. Reminds of a really really old film I love about a little girl who lost her parents and had to go live with her aunt in a very old house. The aunt didnt want her and there were no children to play with so she made up good stories and used to find good things for the villagers etc. Then one day she had an accident and broke her legs and the villages all rallied round her leaving her pressesnts and telling the aunt all the stories. It might be considered pathetic in todays standards but helps me see the good in everyone and everything when sometimes it can be hard. (think age has also helped mellow me lol). Any dates? 

no news on me yet sigh so have arrange a telephone consult with doctors for 19th to see what they have to say and think. 

Had the cutest sparrow today in my garden so sweet. I was over the moon lthough it didnt appreciate my appearance! it tried to shuttle down the side of the garden by the fence I thought it was a baby mafia. !! Wol tells me they are planning a wedding party soon hmmm.

put out some fat balls on the table and np one seems to like them what a waste but no wonder they were reduced! cant blame the birds if they are rubbish. Trouble is at the moment the wind is blowing the seeds away. However, pigeons have been around as i have seen their silhouettes on my windows through the blinds. 

The jackdaws are nesting in my redundant chimney again i dread to think what fire hazard that chimney must be lol they come back every year. Think they must be quite successful. 

Think positive, 

stay strong 

x