Hi Al

well no news is good news isnt it and I have not had any phone call so hoping that is the case. Beginning to think i am going to be like this for ever lol. 

Piggy paradise ice cream is lovely but not as good as the cookie dough. It has tiny chocolate pig faces in a vanilla and mashmellow ice cream with some toffee every now and then also. worth a try! 

Hubby got me a pyrex chicken dish he had been looking a pottery chicken pots but resulted with this and it is brilliant I put carrots, potatoes underneath and the chicken and veg came out really succulent i felt happy having an almost roast for the first time in ages. 

so pleased your blog is positive and going live - what a phrase isnt it hubbby said that started coming in just before he left his job. cant wait to see it! 

glad your feeling ok have been thinking of you and wondering thank you for your long message detailing everything and reply to Sam. so important to get it all written down or people just get a basic idea of things. You often hear things but never exactly what happens and thats why your blog is so important. I am not surprised you were tired the last few days they often say it takes it all out of you. heres looking up to the future. 

I also love art and often do paintings with acrylics but mitre carpentry is a definate no go area have finished the room just needs painting but will avoid the skirting if i can - unfortunately there is still some to do in the living room oh well will leave it for last lol. 

tomorrow have decided to have a day of and just do a little wall painting, more gentle and easy. Fingers crossed get phone call tomorrow. That is I am presuming the results came back and the meeeting did go ahead? they never tell you its a guessing game. 

Hubby is suffering from the covid jab today has a sore arm and headache, thankfully I am fine body obviously thinks it is trivial. 

had a lovely surprise today a bird table hand made hubby bought for me is placed outside my bedroom window so if i get too tired hopefully can attract some birds and watch them. 

waiting for the ring...

Hi Sam

Dont worry about being depressed, anxious, having panic attacks it is totally understandable. I suffer panic attacks and am on tablets. When I have to go and have tests like the biopsies etc i can feel myself raising my blood pressure higher and higher! then i freeze and stay really still so the hospital staff think i am being really good lol if i could i would probably have run a mile! 

Try to be positive like Al he is absolutely amazing and you can learn a lot from his attitiude and notes. He is a good friend here and I am lucky to have found him. 

Yes take a day at a time and small things if your tired put things of nothing is that important that cannot be done the next day. I set myself a small job a day to keep me going but allow myself the whole day to do it so there is no pressure. If you cannot do your ambulance job dont worry a break away maybe good for you whilke you get into a protocol for your procedure. Then maybe a phased return ? I am sure your friends will be there for you. 

Keep talking it helps 

Hi Elona 

Hopefully not too much of a wait for your results, to me that was still the worst time so far.  I know how you're feeling.

I really fancy some cookie dough ice cream right now, thank you for that lol.

Just had last radiotherapy for the week, now sat in another part of hospital waiting to have my bloods.

Home now, cookie dough purchased on return journey :happy:

Al

Hi Sam

Up and downs come with the territory,  mines been a week of up ,down, down  down, up, hyper, blah.  It's the downs and the hypers I personally believe need controlling.   Its not easy by any means, but it can be done.  It's a skill that can be learned, but like any skills some take a while to achieve, some are learnt very quickly and some you just have to keep practicing. 

I am in a way lucky, not that I appreciated this before.   I was a professional artist and tutor with a teaching studio , gallery and online business living my dreams and life long ambitions until 2017 when I lost it all pretty much over night to a rare neurological brain disorder.  Within a few months of diagnosis l lost my businesses, my students, my ability to create art both physically and mentally,  my feeling of being a man, but by far my biggest loss was me.  The condition is much like MS and Parkinsons, all the docs could do was help manage the chronic pain, fatigue and depression with pills potions and clinics.  

I gave into the neurological diagnosis at the beginning, I let it define me.  I wasn't me anymore, I was it.

Eventually I made the decision to find me again, it would be a different me,  but a me all the same and maybe, hopefully a better me.  It was going to take a bunch of whole new skills, some came quickly,  some took longer and some I'm still tripping over and learning again and again.  I'm still learning and adjusting 4 years on.  I could write you a whole book on it haha!

We are all so very different and my coping methods that work for me, won't necessarily work for the next person.  But I can plant the seeds for you.  One of the most important skills for better physical and mental health is without a doubt rest and sleep.  And its the quality not quantity of that rest and sleep that counts.  It was that that I had to take back some control of first.  But rest isn't just when you're eyes are closed led onbthe bed, rest is also controling your energy output when you're awake.  Elona struck the nail on the head when she said to give your self a task and if it takes all day then so be it, and if it doesn't get finished there is always tomorrow.   Worry, unnecessary worry mostly prevents quality rest and sleep,  naturally if you can start to compartmentalise your worries and throw away the ones that don't really matter right now, then better rest and sleep will follow, thoughts will become clearer and the day to day will become, not easy, but easier.  Energy levels will improve and you will be in a better position to face the rest.  Every journey starts with a single step.  I think you did the right thing going home from work, I understand that work was a kind of coping mechanism, but the fatigue that you felt would have far outweighed its benefits.   

I know I've been banging on a bit with this reply to you, saying how important rest is, probably saying things you've heard a million times before and I've got you wishing i would stop writing right now because your eyelids are drooping, but I will finish it with this...  

My past self was all about helping others to achieve their goals so much so it became detrimental to myself.  I realised on reflection that my ignoring myself and by taking on not only my worries but also the worries of others It wasn't helping anyone.   Its not selfish to take a step back and look after no 1 sometimes, by looking out for yourself you will be in a better position to be you and the person you want to be for those you care for and who care for you, be it family, friends or strangers. 

Hope this reply to you Sam didn't come across as too much of a happy clappy self help gumph.  It didn't start out that way. 

My wife says to me often, why use a sentence when one word would suffice?  Another skill I've yet to learn.

Here's to the ups

Al

Good Morning Elona.

Just a couple of lines to wish you well for the day.  

And to let you know I ate half the tub of cookie dough ice cream last night, which I  may remind you that its your fault i purchased haha!  so there shouldn't be any problems with me weighing in at my 80kgs on Monday. 

Thinking of you both

Al

hahaha that cookie dough ice cream is a goodie! happy to contribute towards the weight control lol. 

mnaged to go all night without getting up for more pain relief yay! but i need a dentist to file a tooth down think they moved my jaw when they took my tonisl out and it is rubbing - hate dentisit will put of for as long as possible - that is if i have dentist any more lol. mine throws you out if you dont go reguarly and i didn not go last year. oops! 

sun is shinning on the frost we had last night so planning the job of the day might be a bit of skirting painting. quite tired today though so we will see might just move some things around. at the moment i am sitting in bed with a cuppa lol 

i read your reply to Sam you are a very amazing person and ia m in or being an artist of that callaber must have been quite something but to loose it must have really weighed on you then to regain your self is something to be very proud of. most people would only aspire to be as good as you - i certainly would i love painitng animals and am not bad but wow would love to see your work some day, can you adapt your condition to doing a different style painting? or is it still little painful. 

now if i was you savour the cookie dough and order some more! 

Hello Elona 

How are you?  Any news yet?  How's the tooth?  You should be OK  most dentists stopped seeing patients back in March 2020. Mine was one of them.

Sun shone all weekend here,  out in the Garden in February here... Unheard of!  Gave the garden gate two coats, not real energy though, sadly steroid infused lol.

Just finished my second chemo and 6th radio today and not feeling too bad yay.

Sunny here tomorrow  hope its sunny with you too

Be Strong

Al

Hi Al

sounds like you are doing really well - keep it up! 

congratulations on the two coats of paint - i only managed one on the skirting boards today. tooth is feeling bit better today think it is a wisdom tooth that need sorting but have bought a file so am going to see if i can file the tip tiomorrow lol anything to avoid dentist lol 

no news yet so figure they cannot have got results back - susoect then they must be trying to culture something. 

am finding that somethings get stuck in throat - hubby knows this feeling well he had a stricture and had to have his throat enlarged monthly for nearly 2 years. hoping this does not sty like this. taste is still not 100~% either. otherwise today is much like another ! the list of jobs are getting longer and longer! my pond decided to break - the hose pipe to the pump and i could not mend so have ordered some parts but may have to find someone to help me. grr 

anyway take care

yes sunny here it is good to see the sun but boy bitterly cold brr couldnt face being outside for long. quick throw food at animals and run inside lol. feels like winter again. 

did manange five minutes yesterday to sut a salvia in the front garden and plant some galanthus and primula in a basket on a fence to brighten the place up a bit. 

hubbby got me the new bird table and i was watching a blackbird and starling on it - so pleased to see it being used especially as we have crows, rooks, jackdaws that could scare of the smaller birds. 

happiness keeps you positive x