I've posted before and was helped alot but last thing at night, during the nights and on first waking from what sleep I get terrible panic attacks and am so very frightened right now. I have a colorectal tumour found by a colonoscopy and was told on the phone by a GP that the CT scan showed it has spread to my liver and lung. I am having an MRI scan tomorrow and then have to wait till after the multidisciplinary meeting to learn about next steps. I realise this must be stage 4 and am thinking that there may be no treatment for me other than palliative. I cant believe this is happening - I'm a very healthy (or was) 69 female. I've started a diary, I've managed to tell most family and friends but its lonely in my head and I dont want to die. I hate the nights. Please reach out to me and tell me something good