Hi everyone, 

I have a very strange and confusing story and just wanted to reach out and see if im the only one..

This is a long story but i will try and be brief...

So, i had felt this dull ache in my armpit for a few days that id never felt before. I was in Lidl grabbing some bargins around a month or two ago and i suddenly the pain became unbearable. I shortly became very very unwell. I was driven home by friend and i dont remember a single thing. Next day an ambulance came to collect me i had a tempreture of 42' and my right breast had swollen up to the size of a small football :shocked: i was very sad and scared. Because of Covid i stayed in hospital all alone and it was terrifying. I was scanned as my breast was very lumpy and there was alot of concern surronding breat cancer. i was in hospital for over a week with an IV, they tried 3 different antibiotics before the swelling went down. 

skip about 2/3 weeks i attended the Breast Clinic at the hospital to check up on my breast. By this point my other armpit was now feeling really painful, i have started having sporadic night sweats (they are not progressive and were their worst when i first came out of hospital) , i have lost weight (but i have an eating disorder so i can't say for sure it is unintentional) i am so exhausted constantly (but im on antidepressents so it could be down to them) i feel achy like ive been working out at the gym (i havent hehe). I was examined and the consultant said there was no evdience of breast cancer at all. She wanted me to have an ultra sound as i complained about the left armpit pain. During the scan, they requested to take a biopsy of my lymph-node as it was larger and thicker than it should be. 

I was called back into the breast clinic and the consultant pushed a box of tissues towards me and broke the news that they have founbd High-grade T-cell lymphoma in my biopsy. I was shocked and devestated about this, i am only 23 years old, just started a new job and the only thing i like about myself is my really really long thick hair - my world felt like it was closing in around me :sad: The consultant explained that she is a Breast Cancer specialist and will be transferring me to the haematology Department for my chemo etc.

The next day i get a phone call from a nurse at the haematology Department explaining that my sample is being rechecked as they are not sure on the diaognosis. Apprently, particular virus' can mimic a T-Cell Lymphoma and the type i have been diapognised with is highly rare. A few days pass and i recieved a letter confirming my diagnosis of lymphoma. BUT THEN.. i get a call to say the haematologists cannot confirm or deny the lymphoma from my biospy and they sending it off to the Royal Marsden. 

I received a call from the consultant who asked me to come in for a CT scan next week and potential full removal of the lymph-node. But *in my opinion* the consultants tone of voice seemed very much as though he didnt think i had cancer. They tested my blood for loads of diffferent virus' which all came back negitive.. but when i asked if that pushes him closer to thinking it is lymphoma he said no. 

Has anyone else had this much difficulty around being diagnosed?

I cant beleive day by day im being told, yes cancer, maybe cancer, yes cancer, not sure about the cancer over and over.. my mental health is drained and I feel gulity telling my mum about it and putting her through so much pain for no reason. 

If there is anyone who has High-grade T-cell lymphoma who could talk to me about their experience i would be so grateful 

lots of love x