Hi Maddie  , ive just recently been diagnosed myself . I have a phobia of needles and I have always been scared of the hospital and any type of medication not to mentiin surgerys. Ive recently had my mri  ct and most recently my pet scan. Lately the staff involved in these testing areas have been fantastic at putting me at ease .  Ive been told mines is stage 4 altho localised to an extent. Like you Im terrified and emotional. I think we have to be strong for those people in our life that want to help and feel helpless, if we cope better then so will they. Have you tried meditation and mindfulness, we have a battle ahead but there most certainly are others out there less fortunate than us. Im trying to put things in perspective and I'd rather go through what I'm going through now than everything lost in an instant. I have many different emotions for many different reasons. I sometimes feel like its a dream, im in pain half of the day bit the other half ... im actually pretty normal and I can have fun with the kids and those closest to me and im not short of people who truly want to help. Im due to have 5 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy and I need that to work before they can do major ops on me that I'm still to find out truly what it will entail.. i lived a very stressful life before my diagnosis and in some sense feel like im free and some things that were so important to me just aren't anymore.

I really hope you can find the support you need to deal with this, I have every faith in you

Thank you very much for your reply. 
You are totally right there are worst people out there! I guess it is so fresh that I need to learn to accept it and I guess it is normal to have emotions and feelings all over the place. I just feel weak atm but I'll get better, it's probably to shock of it all... and my anxiety has always been terrible so I just need to try and keep it at bay. 
There is a solution and most of our issues are curable so we must try and keep positive. I wish you all the very best and I have faith in you too ️ Xx

Hey , thats the spirit !! Keep your chin up and try and get yourself eating again and  healthy good food gives you strength and the stronger you are the easier you will fight this. You got this !!!

I had bc her2 positive had chemo, surgery and now radiotherapy. It's a tough emotional journey and there are people worse off and you will see that every day when you hear of another death due to cancer but our journey ms are personal to us so it's ok to feel anxious, worried, scared as we enter into the unknown. What I will say is there is an end but the road to get there is bumpy. We will get through this surround yourself with positive people, plan something nice to do before each treatment, and speak up to your team of oncologist etc. Speaking up and asking questions are important as I often feel out of control you are told where/ when to attend appointments and at the end of the day we are more than our hospital number. Good luck on your journey would love to hear back from you. Covid has made cancer very lonely  

Thank you so very much xx

Thank you Lupita. It is all so new and alien. At times I wish I didn't tell anyone but the few people that I know are very good at giving me space. They know what I'm like especially when my anxiety kicks in. Today was bumpy but then I took my dog for a walk and on the way back my bf made dinner, then we just chilled and watched tv. If only we didn't have to wait for so long it would make things easier wouldn't it? It's the fear of the unknown I presume... my sister is coming from abroad on the 13th to stay with me for a week but just this scares me as it makes me realise I have an issue.... this is my anxiety! It's awful. Just petrified of everything and everyone. I managed to eat tonight and got lots of fruits :) How long does it take to get the results from the mri scan, does anyone know? Mine is on the 2nd - surgery 16th. Will I know straight away or only on the 16th? So scared it spread... how do they know for sure what stage and/or grade we are before the mri?... I didn't ask any questions when I got diagnosed I just wanted to get out of there. I'm trying so hard not to think about it, but when I breathe I have this constant pressure/fear in my stomach that reminds me all the time!! Getting into a film or a book seems to be quite good. Once the surgery is done, does it get easier? I know I need radiotherapy she said but I don't know when/how long for... does it hurt? Does it make you feel unwell? I have no idea. I'm sorry for rambling on. Thank you so very much for your reply. I truly appreciate it. I'm going to try and work tomorrow but obviously working from home at the moment is not necessarily helpful! Goodnight, thank you and look after yourselves xx.