Hi,  I thought I would respnd to your post as my husband was also diagnosed with CLL last October and know exactly how you feel.  It does feel like the world has ended but believe me things will get better with time.  Sometimes doctors decide to watch and wait with CLL and just monitor symptoms over time and treat when it is needed.  A CT scan is a common diagnostic tool for this and definitely is not a sinister procedure.  They will be checking for things like lymph nodes and enlarged spleen to see if treatment is needed at this point.  Please dont worry if he needs treatment as there are so many teratments available for CLL.  There is a very good forum for CLL called Healthunblocked.  Loads of information.  I found that Google is not a good place to start looking for information as it is more than often out of date. 

Wishing you all the best

Hi, 

Never be sorry for posting. Everyone on here is in varying degrees of the same sh*ty boat. I myself only joined in late July , when my husband got diagnosed with oesophageal. This was one of the first places I went, I can’t tell you why. I just needed to ‘spill’ in an anonymous place. The forum has been very useful for me as I worked through the whole emotional rollercoaster, which has been incredible.

i know exactly what you mean about the patient being of the ‘ignore it and it will go away’ sort. I had been nagging husband for months to go to GP. He is also a ‘process’ person, so this and this will lead to that over this period of time. I am the emotional meltdown one. Don’t get me wrong , of course he ‘feels’ it , but processes in a different way.

He has said on numerous occasions that it is probably worse for me as the ‘onlooker’, I know what he means, because when I had all my gallbladder trouble , I was ‘fine’ about it.

i think the shock of the whole thing was really traumatic, I didn’t know what to do, think. But as time goes on and now he is in treatment, then the ‘exploding head’ has calmed down. 

You will find a way and I hate to use the cliche of time, but it really is true. 

My hardrive(brain) has now processed and filed the shock and I suppose I have moved on. Sounds like i’ve been at this for a long time, but it has only been 8 weeks!!!!

Take care.

Thank you both so much for replying.

It's just the unknown that is scary at the moment. Always had a problem with obsessing over things, so something like this is making it so hard to think about anything else. I guess I'm still assuming something awful is going to show up on the scan. The waiting is awful. Can't even imagine what he must be going through.

I am like you and couldnt stop thinking about all the worst scenarious before my husband had all his tests but did find things better once we got the results and a treatment plan was put in place.  I truly hope you will too.  Take care.

Thanks again for replying. I'm exhausted and can't help but feel guilty when I'm not the one suffering.

I love my partner dearly and she's being so patient with me. I never really have down days, so my sadness must all be fairly new to her. I just hate the thought of burdening her too much with my worries over and over... And over. That's why I've ended up here.

Do you know how long the results of a CT scan typically take to come through?