2 weeks since we found out my beautiful mum has stage 4 lung

Hi,

I'm new here, my beautiful mum my best friend has been recently diagnosed with stage 4 adenocarcinoma lung cancer 2 weeks ago...... I'm not coping at all well, she is my rock and my bestfriend. I'm an only child (38!!) Always her baby lol..... I can seem to hold it together when I'm with her which is pretty much most days ,but, the moment I'm away from her I'm in absolute bits. I'm thinking of all the bad things that might/will happen and its tearing me apart.... shes loosing weight and sleeps constantly, its breaking my heart watching my dad so sad too .....I have a 14yr old daughter who is just as close to her nan... I'm trying my hardest to be strong, but I just break down mid cooking dinner mid making a cup of tea (mid anything) my husband is brilliant but he doesn't know what to say or do and I know its hurting him seeing me like this. 

We've been told it's not operable nor curable it's a case of treatment to try to stop/slow it. I'm absolutely petrified, that one word has turned our family upside down I dont know what to do i need to be strong for everyone especially my mum... how scared she must feel too breaks my heart how can I be strong whilst I'm literally falling apart.... 

So sorry, I just dont know where to turn xxx

  • Hi there ..

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... it's one of the hardest things we will do in life ... but the thing I've learned on my cancer journey is let emotions out ... it's o.k not to be strong .. your mum is probly the same as you, so you can go through whatever time she has both trying to be strong .. or you can walk the same path .. it's o.k to share tears or admit your both scared ..

    Your not super woman, your just human ... that's why wer the only thing on earth that can cry ... it's for a reason ...

    It's o.k to feel scared or angry or cuss at cancer and it's o.k to smile sometimes too .. be kind to yourself ..you have the chance to make every day count ... tell her what's in your heart ... listen to her even though some things may be hard to hear ... ask her about her life ... bet there's lots you don't know .. take her somewhere she wants to go, or stay in and watch a film together .. 

    My mum died suddenly from a heart attack and I had no chance to even tell her I was so proud to be her daughter... you have that chance I never had ... what I'd give for just one day or even one hour...

    Don't look ahead or look at the whole picture or it will be overwhelming... just live in the day ... one day you'll be glad you did ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Hi hun,

    I cried reading this as it's like I have written it myself my mum was diagnosed with duodenum cancer in april iam 29 and I have 2 children aged 10 and 5 and my mum is our world honestly carnt begin to imagine life without her it's so hard and cruel 

    My emotions are everywhere really feel for you 

    Sending you big hugs x 

  • Hi....

     

    I'm so sorry to hear your going through this crap too... I've never felt pain like it. I can't function properly just doing everyday things in a total daze...... we've had no word yet from the specialists about what treatment she will receive I'm absolutely petrified they wont be able to find a suitable treatment that'll keep this disgusting disease from taking her away from us. She literally is mine/our world and the thought of her not being here makes me feel pain like I've never felt xx

     

    How do we cope and get through this whilst being a mum, wife and a daughter who needs to be positive? X

     

    Xxxxx big hugs xxxxx

     

     

  • Hi hun,

    So sorry for your loss of your mum.... it's so cruel this world and I'm so sorry for your diagnosis, how are you?? 

    Your right,  I need to live each day as it comes and be there for my mum. Shes a stubborn so and so and wonts to do things independently whilst she can. 

    Shes got a district nurse coming on Wednesday that we knew nothing about, I'm now panicking thinking have they not told us something. I dont know if this is normal routine for a newly diagnosed patient ‍♀️ do u know? 

     

    Many thanks for your reply hun x

  • Hi there ..

    So glad you got district nurse comming .. I think she can assess the help you need or may need later .. take every bit of help offered .. if it gives you a little respite at times , it will do you good, as everyone needs a break to keep going .. Marie Currie can help through the night sometimes... the nurse can put your name forward ... 

    I lost my mum a long time ago ... but I still miss her ... I'm 3 years post masectomy now .. after my grade 3.. so I'm holding on ... sadly my family have been devistated by cancer ... from me, an untie a nephew .. a granddaughter and niece ... and lost my sister to dementure a few months ago to dementure .. and a niece to cyctic fibrosis....so wer all in the middle of a living nightmare in 2020 ... but trying to hold on ..

    So I know how crule this is ... but hold on in there ... I so hope you've got family support ..you say your daughter is close .. hold on to her, she will be looking up to you ... l was 36 when I lost mum .. and had two young boys and I know it's devistating for them .. but if you hold her close, be gently honest , you'll get there ... they are always in your heart ... 

    Sending you a vertual hug as always Chrissie xx

  • Hi,

     

    We are going through the same thing but with my sister. She has a tumour in her lung. We have been given very little info and no word on treatment and it's been months now. Just phone calls saying they have no info yet.

     

    Do you know how we can get a district nurse? That would be great to have :( 

  • Hi there ...

    Your G Ps surgery can give you access to district nurse ... don't ask them, tell them your sister needs the district nurse ... I've answered your thread ... so please reach out .. there is help out there, but something tells me, your a very kind , gentle person ... which sometimes Drs take advantage of and you end up getting over looked... well don't let them ... you can do this ... call Marie Currie and ask for help .. ask them how to get a district nurse ... then that nurse can put your sister forward for their help ...but call them first thing tomoz ... good luck ... Chrissie x

  • Thank you chrissie it means a lot, I will call them tomorrow morning.

  • How on earth have they left it so long for you??? That's disgusting leaving it months. I really do hope you've managed to get some help and answers xxx