Thank you Steph, things have been very intense and heavy during this whole time, notably with how tough the pandemic has made all of this. It is so much harder! 
 

As an update, my mother started to have treatment (chemotherapy) and the initial results were looking pretty strong, though it's deteriated quite very at a very rapid rate. The secondary mass was in her stomach, and is affecting her digestive system. The doctors are unclear what treatment can be done as she's very weak. 
 

I have sent the whole afternoon feeling sick at the thought of her passing away at any moment now, and with all of the pandemic restrictions I'm unable to just go to the hospital and see her. I'm struggling to cope and I don't know what to do. 
 

if anyone has been through anything similar, I would highly appreciate it if you could share your story. Thank you x 

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll give this organisation a try. 
 

The doctors today said that my mum has deteriorated so much that she has a matter of days left to live. I've been able to see her and tell her how much I love her, and she said it back, and we said goodbye. 
 

I can't even begin to process the heartbreak and pain I'm going through, nothing I've ever experienced before. This is the 4th time Mum has had cancer, and I can't help but feel bitter and angry that our family has been handed with such an awful card. Mum is an amazing woman and never deserved this. 
 

I keep trying to make sense of this, but I can't. I'm worried I'll never find closure or peace knowing what she's had to go through. 

I can so relate to your story and I'm so sorry your going though this. 

My mum had breast cancer last year and after her op and treament she was given all clear 4 weeks before Christmas.  

Forward this January she had a fit and she was scanned to be told her cancer had travelled to her brain and nothing they could do for her. She kept strong in and out of hospital and died at home on the 10th Sept. 

She is my best friend and I feel cheated to have been with her thoughout all her treatment, we cryed together we laughed together we did everything together and she's just gone. 

I just wanted to reach out to say spend as much time as possible, talk to each other and tell her your fears.  Although as first I didn't want to address the elephant in the room I'm glad I did as I know look back at that and glad we talked about it all. It's so incredable hard but your not alone. 

I hope you get to see her once she's out of hospital. Sending you all the love needed. 

Gemma

Thank you for your comments. 
 

Even though she managed to see me and say I love you helped me, though she's so sedated from the painkillers that the mum I knew and loved is no longer with us anyway. 
 

I'm so sorry to hear about your condition [@Moonpuddle]‍ , my thoughts and support are with you. I do agree, perhaps because it's so raw right now that I can't think logically. I always knew the worst moment of your life is the death of a parent, they seem so invisible, and no matter how old you are, you see them as they foundation whenever you need them. 
 

I just can't process the thought of losing Mum, and the fact I lose part of myself. My Dad has been such a hero throughout her battle with cancer, and I'm terrified for him. All of these unanswered questions, and wondering what the point of life is when there is so much pain, leaves me into a crumbling heap.