Hi Lisa,

So good to have your update. 

Love the sound of that dressed up dinner.

You really have done well today.

Good to hear that you have a plan for keeping yourself busy going to the garden centre to get a flower tomorrow. 

I think I'm going to have an early night as was kept up by noisy children and babies in another flat. I know it's ridiculously early but I'm struggling to stay awake.

Take care and thanks for the update! Much appreciated.

hugsxx

Hi Lisa glad you and hubby had a good day. Again you're certainly getting there and more positive. As you say day to day,

A dinner time meal is very good thing congratulations.

Billy xx 

Waking up again I googled locally advanced cancer and it came up frequently thought to be incurable it had a five year survival of 14%
what a silly thing to do now I'm in turmoil gain.

why did I do that 

Lisa 

Hi Lisa,

im new to your thread, but wanted to let you know that I'm feeling for you right now. It must be the hardest thing to have to deal with in these circumstances- the knowing but not knowing enough kind of limbo. 
i was diagnosed at the end of March with stage 4 lymphoma. It's not the same as your partner's diagnosis, but it does mean my cancer is lymph node based. I was also not given all the info right away and left guessing (and googling) while I waiting for more info.

with the lockdown in force, I was actually told over WhatsApp, complete with a scan image from my PET/CT scan showing the mass. With very little other information. It was scary to see the cancer in my body like that. The day before I had just found out the doctor felt a lump. I was scared by words like lymph nodes, and bone marrow biopsy, that they still had to 'stage' it... I was thinking the worst straight out of the gate, just like you. Turns out the results from that bone marrow biopsy did give me bad news - stage 4, in my bone marrow as well as my lymphatic  system. But with gaining the full picture from my doctor, I also gained more positive news that my cancer type is well treated, even stage 4, that being in the lymph nodes and bone marrow doesn't mean certain end of the road or suddenly super low stats. 
I know it's hard not to jump to conclusions or fear the worst, but please try to stop over thinking and letting that fear take over, as there are so many types of cancer and sub types of those cancers, that until the doctor has reviewed all the results and looked at the specific one inside your partner, no google search will give you the exact prognosis for him. Anything could be said on Thursday - better news than you think, or maybe it is not good as you fear, but it will be clear correct information and the doctor will have a plan, recommendations, treatment options to discuss and once you both know where you are at, the fear will be gone and you can both move positively into the journey.

i hope this kind of makes sense and hopefully helps you a little... you are not doing anything many haven't done before, but please try to hang in there for the complete and personalised answers from the doctor. It will make things better.
x Becci

Becci

thank you for your reply. I hope you are feeling and coping well and to go through your diagnosis as we have during lockdown has been so so hard and I don't know if you agree added to the stress.
I know all rationale has gone and by googling I know I'm going to read something that makes my heart sink. I still do it. 
i just cannot rest. 
after I've done it I feel so silly and I think why just keep off the internet. Then I'm fine for a few hours.

i hope your treatment goes well, you must be not sleeping too, 

thamk you again for your reassuring post

lisa

Hi I am new here, just wanting to say hello x

Hi Lyn 

Welcome to the forum the club nobody wants to join.. 

Don't worry just join in anytime about anything. 

As you've probably noticed Lisa is struggling to keep off Google and always thinking the worst hopefully she'll be sorted Thursday after proper results are given. And she'll cook us all a fish meal.. 

Best wishes for the future. 

Billy xx 

Hi Lyn 

as Billy says I'm Lisa not doing  very well with my partners diagnosis as you can see from this long thread and the lovely people who have posted me. I like fish too, ones in ponds not on plate 

lisa 

Billy,

I did it again google what ive already googled a 1000 times since last Thursdsy . Fgs. Been up all night now feel terrible again . 
that know just won't go at all 

thanks for cheering me though 

Lisa 

Hi Lisa,

Sorry it's been a bad night.

I think you've had an excellent post from Becci this morning and it's not long now until you see your surgeon. 

I hope you are still going to the garden centre today.

Do you remember what I said about the surgeon refusing to give my mother a five-year survival figure... but 24 years later she's still here. There is so much statistics can't tell us.

Every cancer is individual. You have a treatment plan.

We are all hoping for the best for you here. Have you taken your doggy for a walk yet today? Have you got all your questions ready? I've got a horribly busy day today so hopefully some of the other lovely people - so many lovely people - will help you through the day. But I'll be thinking of you.

The reason I'm so behind with everything is because I couldn't do much with my stitches healing... and now I'm thinking I could be called in for another surgery very soon.

I'm also having to keep myself off google! Please please try and stay off google!

Lots of hugsxxx