Hello Hazel 

I was diagnosed in October 2019. I was like you are tonight blown away by the shock of it. Felt SO alone and terrified. Hard to put it into words actually. Just isolated despite having really good support. It just feels as if the world had gone away.  (I can see the current situation re. Covid only serves to  complicate things even more as well) 

Can I just say I used the MacMillan nurses a lot during the early days. They help so much. They are informed and supportive because they absolutely ‘get’ what we are going through. Truly they are the best resource when you are reeling from a diagnosis. 

My tumour was ductal too and grade 2 (although initially it was thought to be grade 1)  My lymph nodes were clear fortunately. the ER and PR were both positive as are yours. HR2 Negative.  

I am writing a response because I wanted  to tell you that from that awful scary and threatening October day I have had the tumour removed and had 15 sessions of radiotherapy  and had few side affects. Supposed to take hormone tablets for 5 years now but I doubt I will. Won’t go into that, it’s just I have a big resistance to taking them. It’s me!!

Hold on tight.  It IS a roller coaster but the day I was told  and the next couple of weeks for me were the hardest  of all,  it felt as if the end of the world had come. It hadn’t. 

Emotionally I have the odd day of course when I feel threatened but mostly I am able to get on with life and feel grateful for the NHS. It’s a gradual acceptance of this is where I am, and once you get a treatment plan in place, you will see more clearly this is where I am going. It takes you to a different place. A kinder gentler place  

No nothing is ever quite the same,  but you have a kind of peace come over you. You feel back in control of your life, well more or less. As I say I have my moments.  

Please take care. Talk a lot about it. Talk to trusted friends.  I found my partner (although lovely) could only see me as a strong warrior when at times I was  falling apart inside. 

This forum is great too. Everyone on hear ‘gets It’. We are all in it together although travelling along different parallels.  

Google?? Well I found it terrified me much more than it helped. I don’t do it at all now. A lot of the posts are not correct either. Your breast care nurses are the best reference place.

I wish you much good fortune and health. 

Go well

Kebbs x