Hello Helen and a warm welcome to our forum, 

I am so sorry to hear about your mum being diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and that it has spread to her liver and duodenum. It's so sad that this is happening to your mum when you have already lost your dad to stomach cancer in 2012. It is normal to feel numb when you have been hit with such devastating news and I can imagine that it didn't help that the doctor was so blunt. I hope your mum was not too upset about it. 

As for treatment, it may be worth talking to her medical team about what treatment she may benefit from.  Perhaps you could also ask for a second opinion if you are unsure about what the doctor has advised? 

There is detailed information on our website on Treatment for advanced bowel cancer which you can access here. Our nurses are also just a free phone call away on 0808 800 4040 if you wanted to talk to them about anything. Their line is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm. 

We're thinking of you and your mum during these difficult times and wanted you to know that we are all here for you at any time of the day or night.

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thanks Lucie

My mum isn't in any pain as such yet which is good but it's also baffling as surely she'd have had some pain. Do you think I'd be wise getting tested for cancer myself as Dad, one of my aunties (throat cancer) Granddad (lung cancer) and grandma (myeloma) all died from it. Cancer runs in this family. 
Mum doesn't want to die .. she's turned 72 now but she still thinks herself as young. She wants to fight this but at her age and with type 1 diabetes I don't think she can ... I'm so scared and worried for her and at times I feel like I could collapse from the pain the worry and the exhaustion of seeing someone you love so much having to endure cancer.

 I'll ring the nurses or my GP if this gets too overwhelming. Thank you for replying ..

Helen.

Hello,

        l am very sorry to hear of your Mums diagnosis,it comes as a hell of shock which leaves you numb and in an empty void.l am pleased but not surprised your mum is in no pain,its not called silent for no reason, and all to often its not pain that leads to its discovery. l had bowel cancer that spread to the liver and l was absolutely fighting fit,and it was noticing black spots in my stool that l realised was stale blood that alerted me. l had only started checking because my neighbour had bowel cancer earlier that year and had mentioned that it was the same thing that alerted him.l had taken a bowel screen 2 months previous that came back clear, but if the tumours not bleeding at the time it will not show up.

                                                l hope your mother is able to get treatment to get this monster under control,and that she can continue with her life,

                                                                           you are both, very much in my thoughts,

                                                                                                                                                 David

                                                                                          ,                                 

Thanks David

I'm not sure when mum will get her first treatments as the Coronavirus is getting out of hand and staff shortages are very real at the moment. She's still undergoing liver tests and has had a severe chest infection which is still debilitating her. My fears are that at 72, she won't be strong enough for treatment and this thing will spread further. To be honest the hospital is awful, the staff are careless and incompetent at most times. They prefer to chat and eat cake than take care of patients ..

My partner and I are exhausted from all this worry and with the Coronavirus as well on top of it all. 
 

many thanks for replying and please keep safe.

Helen

Oh my gosh I've only just seen this. I'm so sorry your mother has now been diagnosed. I completely understand what you're going through and send you so much support. 

I'm sorry also that the hospital have been so frighful. I'm afraid I'm also having this same experience with my mother who is still awaiting bowl cancer screening (a colonoscopy). She has a lot of blood in her stools and frequent diarrhea. No one will even think of looking at her bcos she's over 70 and they use the visus as an excuse (even though they have taken over all of the private hospitals for patients who are not affected by the virus so it's not a massive fish admitting them there) I'm sickened by the nhs. 

Havr you heard any more about possible treatments for your mother? I really would have thought they would be offering chemotherapy or radiotherapy, as I don't think age prevents that. Or has the NHS essentially washed their hands of your mother because she's over 70 as well?

I'm sending you so much support and thinking of you. If only the only thing we had to worry about was this virus huh? I find myself getting quite angry at people who complain about having to sit at home and wash their hands right now. I honestly don't think the majority of people are aware that the NHS has simply swapped one health crisis (ie urgent treatment required for the over 70's) for another health crisis (covid). It upsets me so much that the NHS are essentially telling cancer patients over 70 to go home and die. They're the ones who paid into the system for over 50 years and have funded it to date!!! I've trained talking to everyone and raising components but no one can do anything. 

Do please send me a private message if you would like to talk. 

Xxx

Hi Jenny

thank you ever so much for your kind reply and request - I have accepted and I'll send you a message soon. Tbh my head is all over the place at present with mum and this awful virus all I've done is cry I know that sounds weak but I just can't help it. It's all just too much to cope with at the moment. I've not heard any next steps from anyone at the north west hospital she is at no one will say anything I asked to speak to her doctor but the nurse said she wasn't there and is on the Coronavirus wards! Fantastic. Not even allowed to see mum either tried to wave to her thru the window but even then my husband and I were told to go away by the nurses as we were 'frightening the other patients' ️ It's all so unfair I truly hate this virus with every fiber of my being as I do cancer. I'm not sure mum even knows the full extent of her illness herself as the docs just cannot be bothered. I'll write off now but I will send you a PM very soon. Thank you for being so kind. Take care xx