In September 2019 I was at my GP due to feeling dizzy at work, this wasn't something abnormal as I suffer from  IIH. Dr took one look at me and asked if I was always as pale as I was that day. I said yes because I didn't realise I was pale lol. She decided to send me for bloods anyway because she thought I may be anemic. 
 

Few days later I got a call from my GP to confirm that my iron levels where extremely low and she began to ask me all these different questions including if I had noticed blood in my stool, at the time I said no as it wasn't something I looked for tbh. She put me on iron tablets and told me to return for further blood tests in a few weeks while keeping an eye on my stool.

Few weeks passed and I had noticed blood on my stool, it was a very little amount that you could barely see but I made an appointment with the Dr anyway, but it wasn't my usual Dr and he pretty much dismissed it as something I had eaten. I stupidly put my trust in him. I then went back a few weeks after that and it was pretty much the same again only a different Dr who told me it was probably the iron tablets. 
 

I began to get really anxious and decided to go back a 3rd time as I was starting to get a pain in my lower right abdomen this time it was a nurse practitioner who ordered me to do a QFit stool sample (to be on the safe side). I handed this in the next day and heard nothing for weeks even though I constantly phoned for results, it was the week before Xmas when they admitted that the sample had never reached the lab and I had to redo the test. 
 

Xmas came and went, I was even abroad for New Years and everything seemed fine, I figured they weren't getting back to me cos nothing had shown up. However, on the 10th January 2020 I got a call to say there was a high reading for the blood in my stool and I have been referred for an urgent colonoscopy in two weeks.

I had an awful feeling for those whole two weeks, done the stupid google thing and freaked myself out even more. 
 

My colonoscopy was last Thursday, I watched the whole thing and my colon seemed clear until they got right to the end and thats when I saw the mass/tumour, it was unmistakable and the silence that filled the room was deafening. The nurses tried their best to distract my attention from the screen as the Dr took biopsies but I couldn't take my eyes away. Afterwards I had to wait to speak to the Dr who confirmed that she was 99% sure it was a bowel cancer.

My wife broke down, which was saying something as it's usually me who is the emotional one (I cry at adverts). I don't really remember much that was said after that, 

I've been all over the place since, on Thursday night and Friday I was numb, Saturday I woke up at 5am by my heart racing and struggling to breathe and spent the rest of the day bursting into tears and being really angry at the Mighty Ducks because they where happy. Then on Sunday I read stories online about people who had survived this type of cancer and it calmed me. Monday was a slightly better day, I went to work and kept myself busy until I got a phone call to tell me to go in for a CT scan the next day (Tuesday) this kind of brought reality back which culminated in me having panic attack in the toilet, I then got a call from a nurse who explained she would now be my first point of contact going forward and went over everything that had happened during my colonoscopy and the outcome, she then explained that Once I had my CT the results would got to the panel of Drs/specialists (I forget the name) to discuss my treatment plan. I've to go for a iron infusion on Monday as my levels are still not where they should be. 

I'm sorry for the very long winded story, but I felt like I had to get it out. I'm 32 with no family history of bowel cancer, I don't smoke or drink. I'm usually healthy never get colds or flu. I showed little symptoms e.g. anemia, blood on stool and slight pain later on (things that could of been explained otherwise).  Every Dr including specialists said it was very unlikely I would have this. 
 

Im petrified it's spread, and it's gonna be more bad news. My emotions are all over the place and I want to be strong, I know I'll fight it but right now I just feel like running away. I feel sick all the time and my head keeps going to dark places. 
 

Again, I'm sorry for rambling I didn't intend for this to be this long.

Jade x