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So many feelings

Mrslyc
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Feeling overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts today. I was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday aged 30 with 2 children aged 4 and 2.5. I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm feeling angry, why me, and although I don't wish this on anyone, why not a murderer or a paedophile, why not someone who doesn't want to live anymore! My husband doesn't share feelings well. He's angry at the minute as he's thinking the same why me. He's just said he wants to go and get his hair cut and part of me is thinking how f**King selfish and the other part of me is thinking get a grip woman there's nothing he can do and it's only a hair cut! l'm worried about him not coping, I'm worried about my kids being affected. We haven't told them and won't until we know more but the 4 year old is picking up on things I think. I can't help thinking the worst about my diagnosis even though they've said they think it's early stages. I don't want to have to go through it, the tests, the pain, the emotions! I cant help thinking that even if I beat it this time it's going to come back and even if that's in 20 years I'll still only be 50! I want to be here for my kids and grandkids but I just can't see it happening. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent x

  • Offline in reply to Nsticrh1n

    Hello, 

    Thanks for your response. Sorry you've had to go through it all too. It does hit you hard especially like you say being young, healthy weight, not smoking etc. But I suppose cancer doesn't care! I'm gutted about probably losing my hair but I have also seen a few nice wigs too! How did you find chemo, people keep saying to me your young and healthy (apart from the cancer obviously) so the side effects might not be as bad? Are you on hormone blockers now? How are the side effects? Congratulations on being cancer free, hopefully this time next year that will be me too :) x

  • Offline in reply to Mrslyc

    Hi,

    no problem I've avoided talking about it for so long but thought I might be able to help you a little, honestly I was very lucky with regards to chemo side effects I wasn't sick and to be honest that was my worst fear they gave me anti sickness and I followed the instructions to the letter I also found that when I felt like I was going to be sick weird as it sounds I thought right I want to know what's going on before I feel like I'm going to be sick so I noticed that before I'd feel like I was going to I'd get a stomach rumble and then like I was going to burp then I'd feel like being sick so to take that away is eat something piece of fruit, carrot, dry cracker anything but was determined I would not be sick and it worked for me, as time went on I did suffer with constipation that was bad but compared to some it was ok, I was lucky enough not to pick up any infection so I had no delays either that's important if you can keep people with germs away that will keep your treatment on track I know how hard that is with little ones I had to explain to mine niece and nephews that they could only see me on my "good week" and they soon got used to that, Being Young will work in your favour and the fact that you are healthy I know you feel unlucky to get it young at the moment but your body will get you through, I did have flushes in the night and always felt like I needed to loo but my oncologist said drink 3 litres of water a day it will get you through it, I thought this man is mad but you know what it worked so do that at much as u can it's keeps you flushing it out, I didn't need hormone tablets as mine was only slightly recieptive. You will have altered taste for a while and that's annoying but find the thing that works for you and just eat whenever you can, I had side effects from the injections but that was more emotionally. I remember seeing a lady when I first sat in the oncology room and she was beaming and said see u in 12 months to someone that had been waiting with her  as she had been signed off and I remember saying to myself that's going to be me! 18 months later I was signed off you can and you will do this. Let me know if I can answer anything anytime for you we all react differently but the bad stuff does also have to end and it will xx

     

  • Offline in reply to Mrslyc

     

    Hi Mrs Lyc,

    This is great. At long last you have a date to work towards and Tuesday is not that far away. It sounds hopeful that you don't need another biopsy on Thursday.

    I hope that you have a great weekend and that it all goes well for you on Tuesday.

    I shall be thinking of you and hall have my fingers crossed.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

     

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