So many feelings

Feeling overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts today. I was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday aged 30 with 2 children aged 4 and 2.5. I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'm feeling angry, why me, and although I don't wish this on anyone, why not a murderer or a paedophile, why not someone who doesn't want to live anymore! My husband doesn't share feelings well. He's angry at the minute as he's thinking the same why me. He's just said he wants to go and get his hair cut and part of me is thinking how f**King selfish and the other part of me is thinking get a grip woman there's nothing he can do and it's only a hair cut! l'm worried about him not coping, I'm worried about my kids being affected. We haven't told them and won't until we know more but the 4 year old is picking up on things I think. I can't help thinking the worst about my diagnosis even though they've said they think it's early stages. I don't want to have to go through it, the tests, the pain, the emotions! I cant help thinking that even if I beat it this time it's going to come back and even if that's in 20 years I'll still only be 50! I want to be here for my kids and grandkids but I just can't see it happening. Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent x

  • oh you poor thing bless you. i cant sympathise with you reguarding having cancer but im a wife to my 36 year old husband with a baby on the way and he was given a terminal diagnosis of lung cancer just before christmas :( unfortunately all the feelings your going through are completely normal and your anger you need to get out. im hoping its early stages for you hun and theres so many amazing treatments out there for you too yes you may have to go through a rough time but your a strong lady im sure and will fight it for your little ones. hope this helps a little and if you ever need to chat im more than happy to help xx

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    Hi Mrs Lyc,

    Yes there are some story books available too. Some of these are listed in the booklet that I mentioned in my last post. You can also show them what is happening with the aid of a doll or a teddy.

    Did your nurse say that she would send you an appointment, or are you just waiting in the hope that she will? If the latter, give her a phone and get a firm date. This gives you something positive to work towards, rather than waiting in limbo. It gets harder to wait once you know that the results are back and you still haven't been told the outcome.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

     

  • Oh brill I will definitely ask for that then. My nurse said that she would phone me when she had my mri results and then would see me in clinic but didn't say when. Yes it is hard knowing that I have it but I'm not doing a thing about getting rid of it and now I'm worried that it will spread before we get started! xx

  • Oh gosh I'm so sorry to hear that! I can't imagine what you are going through. My Nan had a terminal diagnosis and was given 2 years but she went on to live a further 9 years so hopefully your husband will have time. They do think I've caught it early but waiting on mri results to confirm and worrying in the mean time that I haven't or its spreading whilst waiting but I'm trying not to think about it! Thank you, same for you if you need to chat xx

  • oh bless her really well lets hope so then hun as wasnt a great timescale they gave him 6 months without treatment and 12months maybe more with treatment im guessing its an aggressive cancer and its gone into the other lung now too which is a secondary from his last cancer a year ago which he was cleared off. i know exactly how your feeling with the what if questions but honestly when your treatment begins it is so much better and a huge relief and its a countdown of you getting your life back on track i really do wish u all the luck hun and please do message if you feel like you need a vent xx

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    Hi MrsLyc,

    We all feel that it is spreading whilst we are waiting for results, but I'm sure that your care team will tell you the same as ours have. If they felt that this time lag would influence your survival rates then they would have seen you sooner.

    Here's hoping that you hear from your nurse before the weekend.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

  • Yes I'm sure you are right, my friend has just said the same thing actually I just need to have some faith! I rang today and got the answering machine so hopefully someone will ring me tomorrow with some good news! Thank you for being so supportive. I hope you have a lovely weekend if we don't speak before then xx

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    Here's hoping that you get your phone call tomorrow and that it'll be good news.

    Fingers crossed!

    Jolamine xx

     

  • Hello Jolamine, 

    I have had a phone call this morning from breast nurse saying that they were having a meeting to discuss results etc today and that I would either have an appointment Tuesday with breast nurse and consultant or an appointment Thursday for another biopsy on my lymph nodes if needed. Had phone call this afternoon booking me an appointment for Tuesday so I'm hoping and praying that this means it hasn't spread to my lymph nodes :-D I feel like I can relax a little now knowing I only have to wait until Tuesday to find out more :-) have a lovely weekend xx

  • Hi.

    sorry to hear your news, I don't really post in here but your post hit me because that's exactly how I felt why give it to me, why not the muderer etc! My diagnosis was 2nd July 2018 4 weeks after my 31st birthday I remember thinking to myself you have finally made it bec things aren't perfect but finally you have confidence and all your hard work is paying off I had been thinking about things I have overcome in my life as someone that also has a condition called mild cerebral palsy have always being fortunate enough to work and have had a great career in travel then my dog found this lump, he's only small and kept jumping on me then the lump came, went to the doctor then the hospital and was told I had grade 3 breast cancer and I remember the shock on their faces, as well as mine purely because they tell you that if you eat right maintain a good weight and excersize you are less likely and as I young woman that did all those things is simply not true! 
    sharing this with you because I have very your not touching me with this your not doing that to me I remember saying I can give you the op cause I have had many ops but I can't do chemo I can't lose my hair etc kept thinking I won't be able to do it, I don't have children but I am an auntie to my little people that I would do anything for, you will feel so many things right now but your will get through it! After a double mastectomy with reconstruction 6 rounds of chemo and 18 rounds of herceptin l am now cancer free you just take hold of this thing and send it right back where it came from! It'll be hard but I promise you you will also meet some of the most incredible people you have met in your life! Once you know what you are dealing with you can start to move forward treatment has come such a long way and they will look after you.

     

    dont worry about the dumb things people say to you my family did it to me all the time. It's a long road listen to the experts and trust yourself remember to not deny your feelings you can do this! Sorry if I'm waffling in if I can help in anyway let me know 

     

    take care 

     

    Rebecca