I worked up until Friday last week the my doctor signed me off as I was in such a state. Not sure being at home is ideal either as I spend all day on doctor Google.you have no idea how much you are helping me. Xxx

Don't Google any more medical stuff today. I swear it makes it worse! Make yourself a cup of tea, or whatever you like and look up vids of cute kittens. Or try and find a show on Netflix maybe? Anything but Dr google

It's also helping me tons to talk to you. You're the first person that I've spoken to who is in the same boat as me. And the first person whose admitted how dark your thoughts actually are. Xxx

Hiya charliebucket once you have your treatment plan in place u will feel slightly better i was diagnosed end of march and i still have really down days where i want to scream and shout and get real angry i dont even know who im angry at my sister had her2 positive breast cancer at age 39 shes still here shes 52 now and not a bother on her i didnt need chemo my onco dx score was 14 but i have had 5 surgerys if u do want to google u shud go on you tube and look up victoria derbyshire cancer diaries i think there really helpful for anyone with a breast cancer diagnosis il be thinking of u xx

Thank you I'm just so scared. I cant focus on anything at all xxx

Hello 

Yes, I'm honest about it. It's the nights that are the worst. I simply don't want to die. I'm really annoyed I have cancer. Just like you are. I dont put demands on anyone,  I'm not greedy. I just want to hear the birds sing and listen to music and just enjoy living. I'm terrified its spread even though my ct scan was clear xxx

Please let me know how you get on. Have you got the same cancer type as me? Xxx

Yes, that's it. I'm so annoyed that is happening.  Nights are the worst for me too. I even slept with my ex husband a couple of times to not be alone at night, so obv it's bad! I ended up going to wine club tonight even though I didn't feel like it at all. I was glad I did, turns out one of the ladies survived colon cancer and she looks great and is healthy now. It was a boost to see that and I told them what was going on with me. I accepted their help and support-even though a couple of them are irratating as hell. Are you at the point where you can let people help? I hope tomorrow is a bit better for you (and me, dreading a call from my surgeon). If you can't tell, I drank some wine at wine club feel grand now but it doubles the anxiety the next day. Xxx

Hi julie.

Sending lots of hugs lovely.

I was told yesterday at my scan and mammogram I almost certainly have cancer and I cant help think it must be bad for them to say before the biopsy results!!! They even said it will probably mean a mastectomy and chemo. Havent stopped crying since. Dark place is an understatement.  I'm marrying my man after 13 years in july and now I just want to cancel everything. I've been planning it for 18 months. 

Chin up lovely. We've got this ️