Hi,

I didn't really know that posting on here was an option, but as I scroll through the internet looking for advice and help I came across the forum. 

Reading different people's stories and posts seemed to really help so I thought I'd try it myself and voice my story.

I'm 29 years old and my fantastic little mum is 67. She has had an absolutely awful few years with my dad having an affair, our family dog passing away, to being diagnosed with polymyalgia which was treated with steroids that then gave her type 2 diabetes, to this awful year. In May a week before her birthday my mum had a cardiac arrest. I received a call at 3.30am. Weeks of different complications occurred and mum was in and out of hospital more pills than I can count on both hands. Mum had lots of fluid on her chest so they decided to do an ultrasound, sat in the hospital following the scan next to Mum in bed and the consultant tells us they've found a 10cm mass on her pancreas. Weeks and weeks and weeks have gone by and we're at the last scan (we hope) to decide what's next steps are and when Chemo will begin. Mum's heart isn't strong enough so they cannot operate. 

My mum is a phenomenal woman. Has always been independent, strong, had a fantastic work ethic, sociable and the news has torn us all apart. 

Waiting is the hardest. Having absolutely no control waiting weeks on end with no answers is the hardest. 

I'm trying my absolute hardest to be strong for her but I cannot constantly help but think the worst. She isn't scared about losing her hair or the treatment, she just doesn't want to not be here. 

It's soul destroying. 

Does anyone have absolutely any advice or similar stories on how to deal with next steps and the process? 

Is greatly appreciate any advice, and thank you to everyone's posts I've read so far.