Hi there - you are having a very difficult time especially because you are so young. No-one is ever prepared for this kind of news & no-one knows how to deal with it when it comes but it is, I think particulalry hard, when you are so young. I'm sure that feeling numb & in shock is how everyone feels in your circumstances & you need a bit more time to process things & come to terms with it. As that happens you will feel more in control & not "all over the place". I do think being out of control is an awful feeling & why you do feel all over the place.

I hope when you see the specialist you get some good news about how the cancer can be treated. Do bear in mind won't you, that there are all kinds of amazing treatments now & things can be fixed. You'll start to feel that your head is "less fried" when you see the specialist & s/he tells you exactly what's what & how your treatment will proceed.

I'm sorry it's such early days in terms of you & your girlfriend splitting up because I'm sure you feel you've had quite enough to cope with already. Of course at the end of the day the decision about telling her about your diagnosis is yours. However, my advice (for whatever that's worth), is to keep it to yourself. You say you don't want her pity & I'm sure that's what you think on the surface but perhaps underneath you hope it will bring her back. If that were to happen she would be coming back for the wrong reason & the chances are you would have to separate again in the future when it might be even worse. I say this as someone who is old enough to be your grandma & has seen quite a lot of life & relationships.

The most important thing for you at the minute is to keep talking to people & being honest about your feelings so that they can support you. Do post here whenever you want to get anything off your chest - people here understand & help whenever they can.

All the best. x