Hello

This is a very sad and a life shock to you and your loved ones. Although you might feel alone right now behind the scenes all sorts of things will be happening. Cancer is not a one man band. You will soon be in touch with a whole range of people who will guide you and your family along this journey. Cancer care is not just about the patient its about you too. You might want to contact your local hospice to share your news and just ask "what now?".  The hospice is a fantastic resource of help. Think of them like a hub. Anything and anyone who can help you will have contacts with the hospice so do reach out, they are wonderfully supportive.

Hi Gnarls, 

I am really sorry to hear this news about your wife. That must be very difficult for you to handle at this time. 

My dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer a few years ago, and we were shocked and devastated because we thought he was healthy. 

The only thing I can say is treatment for stage 4 cancer has come a long way. I know it sucks but your wife could live for years. Every body is different when being treated by cancer, so it's difficult to say timelines or anything. I would suggest to get in contact with as many people as possible that can give you the right information about what you're dealing with. Try to stay off of Google. My dad is on treatments right now that some people have responded poorly to. It's three years since he was diagnosed and he has not had a whole lot of issues pertaining to his health. He is able to handle the side effects of his medication very well too. I'm just trying to say, that this cancer thing will become a new normal and you guys will find new ways to cope and manage.

I think it's great that you have reached out on here because I have found some people to be very informative and helpful and caring. Sometimes it's better to hear things from firsthand experience than seeing it on a website. 

I'm sorry that you guys have to go through this, cancer is ***. Please keep us updated on your wife if you would like. 

Your response means so much.  I am a very vocal person.  This is the ultimate challenge in our life.  The word Terminal is devastating.  My Wife has worked for 26 years as a teacher, never smoked or drank.  This crap comes out of nowhere and wants to destroy us.  I am better today but still numb.  I hope to remain strong in the long run.

Yeah, cancer sure does know how to mess up people's lives. Just try to live each day in the moment. Don't think too far ahead into the future. That's what kept me sane when my dad was diagnosed. I found if I thought too far into the future it would make me depressed. Something else that he says is he isn't dead yet, so try to cherish every moment you have. You still have time together. We are all not guaranteed tomorrow, and just try to cherish the moments. 

I know your wife would prefer that she knows you can manage okay with or without her. It's totally fine to have those moments of sadness, and I'm sure you both will have many of them, but try not to let them overtake you too much. 

I don't know if this something you guys are able to consider, but sometimes talking to someone outside of family who is either going through this or has gone through this can keep. Talking to a therapist/psychologist can help too. I have a couple friends who have been through similar situations, so having their support helps me to see that when the time comes that someone close to me passes away, there is a light or another side to their death. 

We do get on with life, maybe we don't want to, but we have to. I remember the day after I found out my dad had cancer, and I went outside and it was a sunny day. I felt like I was underwater, but everything was passing by me. It's a very strange feeling. 

Keep us updated on here and keep talking about it. I think these things are better to be handled when others know because then they can help as much as possible. Some people may say silly things, but they're only trying to come from a place of support.