Finally got my results yesterday. It was follicular thyroid cancer. They might have to cut the other side out as there were breaks in the cancer cells and he explained they're is a chance the cancer could have spread through the veins in the thyroid. Then he explained about a radiotherapy pill thing. Got a nice discriptive booklet on the whole process though. 

Not sure how I feel or how I am meant to feel. Yes it's cancer but it's out, it's daunting that I may need surgery again as it flared all my other illnesses and the pill sounds awful and I don't know how to be in isolation when I am a single mum with 2 kids and 4 cats . Friends and family have reacted in different ways some totally fine because of the surgery I have already had others worrying the worst and researching well "googling" then phoning me. Although one thing I feel about everyone is that I don't seem to be allowed to talk about certain things the ones who are dismissive I can't mention much, I mentioned help I could get from Maggie's and was met with 'but you don't have it anymore' and on the opposite end I don't bring it up or talk as little with the ones who are looking into all the worst outcomes. 

I feel weird. A bit numb. I think the "C" word brings that kind of shock and fear anyway. I am glad the main bit is out but fear for what's maybe going to come in the way of surgery and therapy. Although I now understand my dad's calm quietness when he was diagnosed and my friends and grans. It's not that they were fine with it, it's that there is no prescribed "feeling" for that word. Maybe the main word is simply 'acceptance' x