Hi Jean,  I to was diagnosed with breast cancer and affected lymph nodes when I was 45.   As everyone says the waiting is definitely the worst bit.   I had the same as you full scan and all fine, even though my back was really hurting me.  This was 23 years ago.  I think we get so stressed, so scared that the brain goes into overdrive.   I could not sleep and felt I could not really talk to anyone, or at least not what I wanted to really say.   My husband bought me a hard back notebook and told me to write down anything I wanted to and he said he would never ever read it (unless I wanted him to of course)   Often at some ungodly hour in the morning, when the night terrors come, I would get up and write down exactly what I felt like, be sad, be angry, all emotions.  it seemed that once I got it out of my system I was calmer and could sleep and it really helped.  Being free to say what ever I wanted.   It helped me so much I continued it on for a few years and after all these years, my husband has kept his word and has never read it.

Try it, could help you

Hi Gloverbee , 

thank you for sharing your story with me . Wow 23 years that’s amazing . I’m going to take your advice and write everything down . That’s a great idea . I’m trying to be as positive as I can .

im meeting with the oncologist tomorrow so am a little worried about that as don’t know what to expect. 

Thank you again for your advice. Will let you know how I get on . 

J  xxxxx

Thank you for your kind words and advice.ive heard he’s supposed to be brilliant so fingers crossed . 

Will let you know how I get on. 

Xxxxx

HI BigJean,

I just want to wish you all the best for your meeting with the oncologist tomorrow.

Have you written down a list of questions to take with you? This is always a good idea, as it is so easy to forget some things.

Fingers crossed for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

thank you for your kind words. 

I met with the oncologist today he was lovely . He told me it is curable. 

I’ve to have an Eco done on my heart then will start AC chemo for 4 sessions. Then on to another type can’t remember the name but it will be given with herceptin that will be every week for 12 weeks. 

Still a bit freaked as he said this chemo will kill the cancer even if it is anywhere else and even though they can’t see it .

The breast surgeon told me last week that it hadn’t spread and all scans and tests were clear . 

Tough road ahead but just want to get started now . 

Xxxxxxx 

Hi BigJean,

I'm glad to hear that your appointmet went well today and that your oncologist was able to reassure you that it is curable.

Don't worry about what he said about the chemo killing cancer, even if it is elsewhere and cannot be detected. This doesn't disagree with the breast surgeon, when he said that it hadn't spread and all scans and tests were clear. This sounds as if the oncologist was just trying to assure you that, even if something was at such an early stage that it hasn't shown up, it would still be killed by the chemo.

Have you any idea when you are going to start your chemo?  I'm sure that you are just keen to get on with it now.

Don't forget to let us know how you get on. I hope that it all goes well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

thank you so much for your reply and reassurance. 

Not having a good day today , I keep thinking the worst. He did say something about a mass and that the surgeon would like it to shrink more before they do surgery. He never said anything about size or grading ?? 

I don’t want to google anything about DCIS . 

I was very positive the last few weeks but today I’m just terrified. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this as I was doing so well , especially when the breast surgeon said it was treatable and the oncologist said it was curable. 

I just feel very overwhelmed today . 

Sorry to rant on . 

J xxx

Hi BigJean,

You have been so positive throughout all the time you've waited to get a diagnosis that you had to have a 'black day' sometime.

I'm sorry to hear that today has been a bad day for you. Nearly all of us fear the worst at this stage, but fortunately this seldom turns out to be the case. If there is a mass present and, it is fairly large, it is common to use chemo prior to surgery to try and reduce the size of the tumour.

The oncologist wouldn't have told you that it was curable if it isn't, so please try not to worry. Try not to consult 'Dr Google' as much of the information is out of date, poorly researched or sensationalist.

Just remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

thank you so much for your kind words and support. 

The last few days have just been all over the place. I know that he wouldn’t have said it was curable if it wasn’t.  Think the reality of it all is starting to hit me now and I’m just terrified of what’s ahead of me . 

I’m trying to be as normal as I can in front of my family and not let them see I’m worried sick on the inside. 

I’ve to go on AC chemo first for 4 sessions, then another one beginning with T can’t remember! And herceptin for 12 weeks. 

Just an awful lot to take in . 

Sorry for all the negative thoughts . 

J xx

Hi BigJean,

Don't be sorry for the negativity. We all have thoughts like these and it is just not possible to keep upbeat all of the time.

Try to hold on to what the surgeon and oncologist have told you - this is curable. If it wasn't, they wouldn't give you false hope.

There is an awful lot to take in. You have a hard few months a you, but you will get through it. You will feel better emotionally once you actually start your chemo and, know that you are at long last fighting the disease.

It is hard to try and protect the family from what you are going through. What ages are your children? Children have big ears and often overhear conversations that they are not supposed to hear. They will know that something is amiss when you are away for treatment. What you tell them will be dependent upon their ages, but younger children don't need chapter and verse, just a simple explanation will suffice.

It is better that you tell them yourself, rather than waiting for them to hear it from another source. This way they will feel involved in helping you to fight this.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

thank you for all your support and advice. I’m feeling a bit better now .

would you have any idea why they want to do an echo on my heart before chemo ?? 

My children are 17, 14,13 and nearly 12 . 

We have been very honest with them and told them I will be going for treatment to make me better and any questions they have to ask us and not to look up the internet. 

I know it’s going to be a long road but I’m going to fight this for my family . 

Thank you again . 

Have a lovely weekend 

J xx

Hi BigJean,

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better now and back in fighting mode..

I haven't had chemo, but have heard of others having an ECG before they start. I am not a doctor, but I presume that this is to ensure that the heart is strong enough to withstand treatment. It seems to be a fairly common test. Never agree to any treatment or tests unless you know why you're getting them - always ask if you're not sure.

Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and, I'm glad that you have been honest with them. Have you mentioned anything about your diagnosis and treatment to the school and teachers? It is always a good idea to do this, so that they are aware of the situation and can keep an eye out for any upset at school.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi BigJean,

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better now and back in fighting mode..

I haven't had chemo, but have heard of others having an ECG before they start. I am not a doctor, but I presume that this is to ensure that the heart is strong enough to withstand treatment. It seems to be a fairly common test. Never agree to any treatment or tests unless you know why you're getting them - always ask if you're not sure.

Your children are old enough to understand what is going on and, I'm glad that you have been honest with them. Have you mentioned anything about your diagnosis and treatment to the school and teachers? It is always a good idea to do this, so that they are aware of the situation and can keep an eye out for any upset at school.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine, 

im back to myself today and in v good form. Thank you for all your advice and support. 

My 3 girls are in secondary school and I have spoken with the school they have been fantastic and have had the guidance counselor and chaplain speak to all the girls . 

My youngest is still in primary so I’ve spoken to the principal and his teacher and they too have been amazing.,

Ready to face what’s ahead of me now ! 

Hope all is well with you

take care 

J xx

Hi BigJean,

Well done you. You will find it better now that the children are in the know, but be prepared for some strange and searching questions from time to time! It's good to hear that both schools have been helpful.

Have you got a date for your ECG yet? I hope that it all goes well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx