my emotions and moods are all over the place, i dunno how i truly feel from one hour to the next. Snapping at hubby one min then needing hugs from him and crying my eyes out, then angry at the card ive been dealt then despondent, then......, then.........., u get my drift.
He deals with things differently to me and can't understand why I'm so convinced it will be bad news on staging, I prepare for the worst and if it's not it's a bonus. He's a deal with it when it happens kinda guy, it's causing tension coz I feel he's carrying on like nothings changed but to me EVERYTHING has changed.
Every single innocent thought seems to be taken over by cancer thoughts, i admired a blossom tree today then immediately wondered how many more spring seasons i will see. I feel like cancer is consuming me mentally as well as physically. Any future I thought I had seems to have been cast into doubt. I went through something similar after my heart attacks aged 40 and 41, aged 46 my life had got back on track, I've been back at work 12 months and felt like life was good but here I go again feeling uncertain about a future. Hoping I'll cope better once I have staging and an action plan.
