Hi [@clara56]‍ 

Im so glad it helped. It was just a coincidence that I'd been sat here having a coffee with my friend a few days before this post came up. I was quite surprised by what she said even though it does make sense. I haven't got it, I'm taking care of my father that has it so it's a different experience for me but talking to my friend really helps understand in other ways. She also said to me that she still has checks every 6 months and that every time she gets a pain or a symptom out of the blue she automatically assumes it's cancer and heads straight for the doctor. She said that fear will never go and I totally understand that too. I think it's just a huge shock to everyone who's diagnosed, it's such a big awful thing that it's hard to process. That's why it hits everyone differently. With my dad we take one day at a time. Even now three months later I think we're all in a bit of a daze with it. 

Take care. 

Xxxxxxxx

Hi MiGi

I just wanted to say,I read your `about me` page and your careing and devotion to your family really struck a chord with me.

I lost my husband two years ago when his cancer came back and was terminal. I was his sole carer and got no support whatsoever, unless you count a MacMillan nurse who frightened the life out of him,telling him what his end of life would be like! She was a complete idiot.

It was all very traumatic at the end and I was in shock. I became emotionally numb afterwards and I have never got over it. So I think thats why I handled my diagnosis in a detatched sort of way. Not denial but more like they were talking about someone else not me, it does put you into a daze.

Well MiGi I hope you find all the strength you need to get through, try to get decent rest and sleep too!

My thoughts are with you xxxxx

Hi [@clara56]‍ 

I know exactly what you mean by the nurse telling your husband what his end of life would be like and scaring him to death. 

The first consultant dad saw in January told him he had 2 months to live, then when my dad asked how he would die he told him that the tumour in his lung would burst/bleed and that he'd basically drown in his own blood. He gave him a further horror story by telling him that if they resuscitated him, they'd have to break his sternum (etc etc) and that he'd end up on a ventilator. 

So as you can imagine from that point dad developed extreme anxiety, nightmares and has spent the whole time absolutely petrified and just waiting for it to happen. 

In truth, this is very unlikely to happen and the doctor shouldn't have said it but the fact is he did say it and now dads petrified. He can't take his words back its too late. I just couldn't believe the blatant stupidity of such a highly qualified man and the insensitivity! I could not for the life of me understand how he could possibly have thought for a second that it would be OK to tell somebody this! 

Now my dads anxiety is unbearable and the reality is that he will probably slip away really peacefully when he's ready, but he can't get what the doctor told him out of his head now. 

My about me page is a bit hectic isn't it?!! I've thought many times I should take it down or alter it but I've just realised that people are reading it (I hadn't really thought of that before silly as it sounds) so I want to leave it there now as its a true account of what it's been like for me, jumbled and erratic but honest! 

Thanks so much for your best wishes!! I'm sending mine to you too. Xxxxxxx

Hi, Im a newbie also,i have just been diagnosed with lung cancer in both lungs and breast cancer, 2 years ago i had lung cancer and had 70% of my right lung out, i really suffered with the chemo and they stopped it on my second one,now i have it again, but i show no emotion either, My Doc said to me i have a really good attitude about it,i have to see the breast consultant this week coming then they will talk with the lung consultants but i dont feel fazed about it at all, i didnt the first time around , so im glad to hear someone else feels the same and im not the only one, im just about to order some cbd oil to see if that helps and i have joined many groups,i could cry for some people, but not myself, strange feelings