Thanks for your kind reply Chrissie, 

Maybe I'm clutching at straws at this stage, two weeks to the day from her meeting with the doctor who told her that cancer was the only explanation for her symptoms to this latest bombshell - I'm still incredulous and I guess angry at the circumstances. My mum is an IT professional who up until the turn of her sixties was often putting in 70 hour weeks. She's due to retire in about a year's time and it seems so cruel that she may not fully enjoy the fruits of all her labours; having raised me without my father's help, she was looking forward to buying her 'forever home' with cash and to retire with a good pension after almost fifty years of work. I know cancer doesn't think in terms of what is just, but it feels like she's being robbed when she's just ready to collect her reward for all those years of working selflessly. As well as that there's still so much I have to say to her, as you can probably tell. She's just as shocked as I am by the news and I don't know what she wants just yet; I'm moving in with her to help her through the chemo but at the moment I'm still stuck between disbelief and outright fear. Perhaps it's too early to even survey the range of treatments until chemotherapy has begun, but I'm still mystified how some people seem to miraculously recover from late stage cancer in certain (rare) cases and wonder why that shouldn't apply here. This is all new to me and I haven't a clue about cancer, which has literally never affected a single relative (that I know of) til now. But thanks for your words, and I hope you're bearing up well in your own battle x

Hi there,

I'm so sorry too, it's an awful time and I couldn't agree more with Chrissie. I feel like you do BUT Chrissie really put it in perspective there and I think so many people feel the same way when a loved one gets this most awful news. It's unbelievably hard to take in and accept. My dad was diagnosed two months ago and initially given two months, after further tests he's now looking at "very few months" but a month ago they said 6-12 months. It's all very confusing and utterly heart breaking. I think it's fantastic that your mum has private health care. I feel like my dads "journey" as they say has been very hit and miss with the NHS. I imagine with private care there should be far more continuity and hopefully speedier appointments and treatment, I hope so, I really do. I too looked into trials for my dad but the poor guy is like he's been hit by a bus, he can hardly eat or stand up. He's not well enough even for treatment let alone anything else but the same as you I've no experience of cancer and I've heard stories of people having stage 4 and living with it for years somehow. I don't know. It can happen. I wish it would happen more! Especially for my dad and for the people here too. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help but we are all here for you to chat to any time, best wishes. Xxxxxx

Thanks MiGi, it's really nice to read words of support. When treatment begins in a couple of weeks we should hopefully see how well my mum responds. In terms of her health otherwise she's like a younger person, never having smoked, hardly ever drinking and having no struggles with her weight. My mum went to her GP on the NHS initially, complaining of stomach pains. This was wrongly suspected to be a kidney infection, but the exploration of the possibility of cancer didn't begin until she took advantage of the healthcare her job provides. We learned more in the last four weeks than we did in the two or three months previous. I know there's probably a big advantage to having private healthcare at least as far as the speed of arranging appointments, though I'm not sure if there's a difference regarding the quality of medical treatment (chemo drugs, expertise of doctors and such). Cancer affects so many people in such complex ways that it needs to be given far more attention by the government - I'm about to give up my job and move to where my mum is to be there for her. It's an upheaval in ways you don't anticipate but of course it's not negotiable. I'm sorry to hear about your dad; I hope you have a good amount of time left with him to make some new memories, you're obviously doing your best as his daughter. Of course, in the case of a parent your real priority is just letting them know how important they are and doing everything in your power to make things easier for them. All the best and stay strong x