Hi Cassie,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear about your mum's brain tumour. You must have been devastated to be told that it was inoperable. How has your mum coped with this news?

My mum had breast cancer for 12 years, before we were told that it had metastasised to her liver, lungs, brain and bone. There was no further treatment for her after that. She went downhill very quickly and it was heartbreaking to watch. To start with we were all in panic mode, as we knew that we didn't have much time left together. Then we realised that this wasn't helping anyone and, we had to become strong and positive.

Things became easier for everyone once we did this. We started trying to make precious memories together. We talked openly amongst one another, we continually told her how much we loved her,  We discussed mum's fear of dying. We arranged for relatives that she wanted to see to visit. We drove her to places that she wanted to see. We made sure that she was comfortable and that her pain was well controlled. We got hold of anything that she needed and towards the end we arranged for her to go into a hospice.

None of this was easy. We still cried profusely in private, but being able to talk to one another about how we felt helped us all. We felt that we started the grieving process from the day we were told her prognosis. I have since discovered that this is not unusual.

She had her good days and her bad days. Some days she was ok, but on others her emotions became very changeable, she became angry, frightened, depressed, confused, forgetful. This was all totally out of character. She began sleeping a lot more, eating less, drinking less with less urine and fecal output. Eventually, she stopped eating and drinking altogether. Towards the end her legs gradually became colder starting at the feet and working up to the thighs. Her arms did the same.  Her breathing also changed and she developed what is commonly known as the 'death rattle' and she passed away in  hours.

Having said all this, she was a stoic to the end and, we were incredibly proud of the way she dealt with all of this. Is your mum still at home or in hospital? Has the hospital been helpful in getting her a hospital bed at home and carers coming in a few times a day to cope with her personal needs?

I know that what I have said doesn't make nice reading and I'm sorry about this, But I found it helpful to know what to expect in advance of it happening. I hope that you have the support of friends and family to helpt you through this.

I am thinking of you all and, hope that you find the strength to see this through. Please keep us updated and, remember that we are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx.