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Terminal cancer

Jode
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Hi,

I haven’t done anything like this before but I’m struggling. I found out just before Christmas my dad has terminal cancer of the liver.

Its been an awful week. He’s been “given” two years. I am struggling emotionally.

I am trying to be strong for him and my mum. It’s just so sad,my dad has suffered from depression for a long time,has suffered from alcoholism. My mum hasn’t coped at all and has dealt with this be shutting herself off. I have suffered from depression and anxiety. We’ve never spoken as a family. I have tried a little bit but to no avail in the past.

Ive said to them both that we need to talk to get through this. I think that they have both felt for so long that they have been just coping with life. 

They have always done their best but money is tough and mental health.

I just feel like everything is such a mess,I’m just so sad. I don’t know how to cope. How do people carry on knowing that someone close to you is dying?

I know lots of people get through it I just don’t feel like I can right now.

Thank you in advance.

Jode

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    HelloJode and welcome to the forum.  I am so sorry to read of your family troubles.  First of all I would suggest you ring MacMillan Cancer Support (Freefone 0808 808 0000).  They are very knowledgeable and helpful about all things relating to cancer.  You need to be looking at some family therapy (I think this would be useful) to reconnect with each other and make the most of the precious time you have left with your dad. It is a horrendously difficult time for everyone who has to go through this with a loved family member but you now need to learn to talk to each other.  MacMillan may be able to put you in touch with someone who can help you directly; they will certainly give you good advice. As it appears that there has been a long history of communication problems between you it won't happen overnight but as well as being beneficial for you and your family I think you would be relieved if you all communicate better.   It would also be good if you continued to post here - this is of course totally up to you - about how things are going for you and your family.  You clearly want to improve the situation at home and this very sad diagnosis for your dad may be the catalyst for getting things going and improving the time left.   My best wishes.  Annie

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    Hi Jode,

     

    I hope all is well with you and your family. About the same  time your dad was diagnosed, my dad was diagnosed with intestinal cancer. I know exactly how you feel. Clueless, helpless and in despair and I am searching for answers too. 

     

    Wondering how you are all coping now? My dad is currently in such a terrible state, so bad he looks like he has days to live, if even that, and I wish someone had told us we could have even a year with him. But his has metasised to many other places and it came to a point where doctors said there is nothing they can do. He has been such a fighter, I have never been able to admire anyone this much. The pain he has gone through for months, and the physical changes have really broken me down. 

     

    My family too is acting dysfunctional and it’s just so hurtful because my youngest sibling is just a toddler. I can’t imagine life without my dad, he was the soft one out of my parents. He was super healthy all the time and never smoked, and to see this happen to someone who should be a role model for leading a healthy lifestyle really is making me think why even bother because anyone can get cancer. 

     

    My friends on the the other hand, have retracted from me.  I have one friend that would occasionally message me, but everyone else is just busy in their own lives, which has really put a damper on my mood. I know I am closing up to the outside world. Receiving the cold shoulder from friends and not having anyone to speak to makes you not want to have any social interaction.

     

    Today I am on this site, and the rest of the internet to find a miracle to help my dad. He is out of consciousness. When he has woken up, he can’t stay awake and is hallucinating. None of this feels real, I just want to wake up to how things were before. 

     

    Sorry for ranting on. Wishing you and your dad all the best, and hope you find a way to cope through it all. 

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