Hi I am brand new here and have just learned that my 48 year old  husband has stage 1V colorectal cancer with bone mets. 

I am in a bit of a dark place about it and feel guilty for being so as it isn't I who is going to be going through it, but I just feel so wretched for him. It has come as a complete shock after a year of being told that he had indigestion and heamoroids and that a colonoscopy really wasn't vital. I could kick myself for not pushing harder for him and allowing myself to believe that these diagnoses were correct. 

We have recently relocated to Somerset so that our adopted young son could have a better education at the private school we now both work for. Quite a move after 20 years in the state sector! This wasn't part of our "new exciting start" plan....

I think that rather selfishly I am looking for some support and reassurance and that this isn't the end - I know you can't do this, but when the doctor says you have less than a year without treatment, the panic starts to rise, you see I have put all my eggs in one basket - he's not only my husband, but my best friend, the person who makes me feel safe and secure and my favourite colleague - we are both Art teachers..

I have no idea yet what, if any treatment he will be offered - he was given the news on his own - believing that this latest consultation was merely confirmation of the fact that both his CAT and MRI scans had proved negative to any spread of the disease - the PET scan said otherwise. What is most upsetting is that he looks so well and to all intents and purposes is functioning just as he always has - my son doesn't understand - well, he is only 6 - but as far as he is concerned Daddy looks just the same and that makes it worse.

I am so sorry to clog up your airwaves, but I just needed to talk.

Gayle xx