Hello TonyT and sorry you have had such bad news about your dad.  My son's father died of lung cancer some years ago as did another friend - they were both smokers - but my mum's cousin has had Stage 4 lung cancer for some time now and although not as fit as she used to be still gets around and  keep things together.  I don't know at what time you are seeing the specialist today - it is a good idea to write down a list of questions to which you want answers as in the frightening emotion of such a meeting it is so easy to forget things.  I don't need to tell you to be there for your dad and to remember he is still the same person as he always was (and not just a cancer patient).    If you wish please do come back and tell us how the meeting went and how you are feeling about everything (silly thing to ask but I hope you know what I mean).  Cancer is evil.  Annie

Thanks for your reply Annie and sorry for your sons loss and your aunt. Your aunt gives me hope and my family and i need that right now x

We had got confused and our appointment wasnt with the cancer specialist, it was with the respiratory specialist and ended up getting cancelled since the diagnosis on Saturday. Its been a very confusing day for all concerned as a porter arrived to take my dad to an appointment which we had been told had been cancelled! This led to unnecessary stress especially as the staff nurse didn't have a clue what was going on! Im hoping this isn't a sign for the future. 

Due to the confusion the dr came to see us and gave us half an hour of his time which was invaluable as we hadn't met him. My sister and i also popped in to see Macmillan which was helpful although i completely lost it when i told them that my dad has been diagnosed with cancer. I find it such a hard thing to say :( Im 46 and my sister is 13 years younger so feel like i should take the lead and be stronger but she keeps surprising me. Im strong and feel i should be strong for everyone around me but i often lose it :(

In all honesty i don't really know what questions to ask although they cropped up when i spoke to the dr today. I guess what i want to know more than anything is how long my dad might have. They are doing lots of test on weds so we should know more towards the end of the week. Im just praying that it's not spread too much. 

I keep trying to talk to him like my dad and like things are still the same but without ignoring the fact that he's unwell. Its tough but i can and will do this. Im learning what he wants to talk about in his current position as a few things we've said have upset him and of course i don't want to do that. 

All my relatives want to visit but he isn't up to it just yet. I figure he needs time for it to sink in too. Ive told my relatives that when they do visit they need to remain positive, not get too upset and not to ask too many questions as i know how exhausting that can be if repeating yourself and i want my dad to put all his energy into getting well enoigh to come home. Ive set up a WhatsApp group and am keeping everyone up to date. Hopefully I'm doing the right thing. 

Its one hell of a rollercoaster isn't it

Cancer is evil!

Tx

My goodness, you have had quite a day.  Yes, I am surprised by how well my aunt keeps going all things considered; long may it last indeed.    You sound as though you are doing okay; for heavens sake everyone is allowed a little wobble sometimes.  Like everyone thrown into this situation you just have to play it by ear and do what seems to be right.  It isn't always easy - unsurprisingly a person's mood can change when they are so ill.  That is a great idea to keep everyone informed by WhatsApp, saves you a lot of bother.  Look after yourself too.  MacMillan can be helpful in my - admittedly limited - experience they really helped my next door neighbour when he had cancer and made sure he received all the equipment he needed.  So you will have more information after Wednesday; let's hope it is not so bad.  By the way, just use this forum in any way you want; some people like to let off steam here or ask questions or whatever and we (me in this instance but others will be reading your post) will be very happy to chat with you so do come back and tell us how things go if you want to - but not if you don't - you get the idea!    Annie

Hi TonyT

you’re so right - cancer is such a brutal thing but you do sound as though your dad has a wonderful family and this will help you all . I was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few months ago and it has spread to the closest lymph nodes- I had a mastectomy a week ago today and I still feel as though it’s happening to someone else ! The hospitals are amazing though and I hope all goes well for your dad and your family - my family have helped me enormously and yes I’m afraid it is a roller coaster and one that’s not easy to get off of either ! Stay strong laugh and cry and be there for each other especially your dad - take care x

Hi TonyT

I want to try to give you a bit hope. I got Lung Cancer Stage IV with Mets in Lymph nodes and had a big one in my Brain. Had chemo and radiation and surgery on Brain. Now i get Immuntherapy since two years and i feel good. After diagnosis three years ago ( where they told me i got a year to life) i still can life a good life. Sure chemo and all wasn't easy, and side effects have sometimes make me think i can't do this. But see, for me it was all woth it!

Hope your Dad is a fighter too!!! Fingers Crossed, Petra

Thankyou everyone. Its good to talk to someone removed from the situation. 

Petra - you won't believe how what you have said has lifted my spirits. Im in floods of tears but thankyou and i wish you all the best. Please keep fighting x

Sunandsea - I'm so sorry to hear that but am glad they appear to have diagnosed you early. My thoughts are with you. Please keep fighting. X

Annie - thanks for your kind words. 

My Dad had a brain scan yesterday and they said they could see some abnormal activity which didn't sound good.  they also said It looked like cancer was in his liver and kidneys. He is having a biopsy today so we are told they should be able to to give us a prognosis tomorrow. Im normally a very positive person and im trying to remain this way on the outside but im also a realist and hence inside im fearing the worse :( x

Hi Tony.  It is hard not to fear the worst but don't get ahead of yourself - wait until you know what is happening.  Good to hear that Petra is doing okay, much like my aunt.  Hang on in there.  You will get through this.  Annie xx

Thanks Annie. They've delayed our meeting whilst they see how he gets on with the steroids and infusion over the weekend. The last two days were great but he's been very confused most of today and has had a bit of a temperature. He wants to come home. I want him to come home. My mum doesn't think she can cope and my sister is on her side.  Ive said id move back home to help and we can get macmillan home help i believe. I can understand why my mum Is scared. I am too but even if it was only for a week i would feel so much better about it knowing we had tried :( The last thing any of us need is to fall out but at the same time i have to air my view :( i don't know what to do about it and an starting to feel isolated

Oh dear; I hope this does not turn into a difficult situation.   You could give MacMillan a ring and get specific information about the help they can give (which should include any special equipment that is needed).  I am not suggesting you go behind your mum's back but if you can bring the conversation round to what is really worrying her and be able to tell her of the help that is available it may make it easier for her.  If your dad wishes to come home then it would be a shame if he had to be told it was not feasible.  And I could see that it would be upsetting for you if this was the case.  I have cared for neighbours who were terminally ill; my next door neighbour had cancer and both he and his wife were getting on in years and relied on me to come in and help if he needed lifting etc.   (I am retired now.) They had nurses coming in most days and what with their two grown-up children coming when not at work it was not too difficult.  I hope you can sort this one out with your family.  Annie