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Kgb9284
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hello, I am new here, my wife of 40 years has been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer meds to liver, not coping well.  No sleep, constantly nauseous, trying to be positive but not being as brave as my Shirley, she is 62 and so alive and vibrant, I feel lost

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    hello Kgb9284

    So sorry to read your post & what you both are going through.

    I am not medically trained in any way,but I'm sure meds can be givern to help with symptoms.

    My very best wishes & hugs to you both x

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    Hello my Mum was diagonsed with stage 4 Pancreatic cancer on Jan 2nd 2018 and died on 31st January 2018. It was so quick and truly heartbreaking watching my lovely Mum fade away in 4 weeks. It was Mum's wish to spend her last days at home. We had good support from Mum's GP, Macmillan and Night sitters also on a couple of occasions.  Mum had syringe driver fitted to help with pain but they also gave her anti-sickness medication in the driver.  We had hospital bed in the living room and tried to make sure Mum was as comfortable as possible. Mum suffered badly with terminal agitation and also lost her mobility on 21st Jan which was truly horrendous as Mum was a big walker.  We held Mum's hand to the end.  Take care

  •  Hello there, how very sad for you both. It is truly heartbreaking isn’t it? 

    I can’t really offer you any comfort or advice other than to tell you that slowly the edge will go off the sheer terror of the situation and you will start to assimilate cancer into your everyday life. I don’t know how much time your wife has been given but it is so important to make sure you leave nothing unsaid,that you treasure every moment you possibly can  and that you try very hard to look after yourself in this. 

    Thinking of you and wishing you both lots of love and courage. 

    Ruth x

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    Hi Kgb,

    Welcome to our forum.

    I am so sorry to hear about your wife's diagnosis. This must be very worrying for you having been together for 40 years. Can they give her any chemotherapy treatment to buy her more time?

    Cancer is a horrible disease and it impinges upon our loved ones as much, if not more, than it does on ourselves.

    I have lost both of my parents, several relatives and close friends to cancer and have had 2 bouts of it myself in the past 8 years. Trying to be positive is certainly the best way forward, but it is not always easy to achieve, given the terminal diagnosis.

    Instead of dwelling on the inevitable end result, could you change the way you think and celebrate every day that you have with your wife? She will need a lot of support from you and the more positive you both are the easier you will find this to deal with. It is also helpful if you can talk to one another openly about how you both feel. Are there any people she might like to see or places she might like to visit, whilst she is still able to get around? Even going out for the occasional lunch or afternoon tea can break the monotony of hospital visits.

    Do you have any family or friends who can support you or help you out? There are a number of cancer charities who offer a free counselling service and some people find this very helpful. Would you maybe consider talking to someone like this, rather than to family? Some people find it easier to talk to an impartial stranger instead of with close family members.

    I know that you are a man and big men don’t cry, but let the tears flow, as they are a good release valve. Have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? He might prescribe some anti-depressants or sleeping tablets for a short while, just to help you cope.

    Many people find it cathartic to write down how they feel  and there is always someone on this forum who knows exactly how you feel from first-hand experience.

    Please keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. We are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine

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