Hi Hdi,

Welcome to our forum, although I'm sorry for the reason that has brought you here.

My mum had breast cancer for 12 years, before she developed secondary cancer. By this stage it had metastasized into her liver, lungs, bone and brain. We were told that there was nothing that they could do for her at this stage.

I can fully understand your shock and your fear. No two cancer cases are the same and while a doctor can make a guesstimate at life expectancy, we are only cancer patients who cannot. Besides, there are a number of people still living, despite being told that they were likely to die years ago.

I hope that the specialist respiratory ward can make your mum more comfortable and, that they decide that she can have some treatment. It is difficult to predict what to expect. I can only go by my own experience. We nursed mum at home for as long as we could. She went into hospital at the end and spent her last 3 days in the hospice.

She began to get weaker, speech became more jumbled, she was in a lot of pain (given Morphine for this). Unfortunately the Morphine made her extremely tired, so she slept most of the time. She developed a thrush infection in her mouth, due to her medication, which caused dry mouth.

Try not to dwell on losing your mum, but treat each day as a bonus. Don't leave anything that you want to say unsaid, read to her or watch TV together, make sure that your mum is as comfortable as possible, that her medicaton is controlling her pain (may need stronger meds as the end draws nearer). Keep in touch with her doctors and nurses and don't be afraid to ask them searching questions or to ask for stronger medication. Are there any people that your mum might want to see or places she might want to go? If so perhaps you could facilitate this?

You may eventually find that your mum won't want as much food as usual and she may ultimately suffer from total loss of appetite. At this stage, she may not want to drink either. Some people also become incontinent. Do you have any relatives or friends who can support you and help out with your mum? Don't turn down any offers of help.

I know that this doesn't sound pleasant and, your mum may well skip some stages or develop others. I do not want to scare you, but I have found it easier to cope with since I now know what sort of things to expect.

Please stay in touch and let us know how she gets on. We are always here for you.

You say that you know that she probably won't have long, but I hope that you can make the most of the time you have left.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Jolamine,

Thank you for your reply, sorry it's late, I'm still trying to work out how this forum thing works. I really appreciate your response. Weve had another consultation and the doc thinks she only has another few weeks, actually said he'd be surprised if she saw the end of November. I'm surprised because she seems pretty good. She is on 8mg of dexamthasone and without this the deterioration is rapid (they dropped her dose for a few days and then had to put them back up because symptoms came straight back). But while she is on 8mg, she's walking, eating and talking normally (she was bedbound, not eating at all and severly confused and forgetful). I'm wondering if the steroids just mask all these symptoms and deterioration remains at the same rate. Or of the steroids are slightly helping. 

We are making the most of the time and I'm taking her out to places she'd like to see and family have all made an effort to come and visit, thank you. 

I am sorry that your mam had to go through this. My mam does have dry mouth but has no pain at the moment. Just hoping she can stay well as long as possible.

Thanks

Hazel

Hi,

This latest prognosis doesn’t sound good, especially when your mum seems so well to you. It sounds as if the steroids are helping.

I am glad to hear that most family members have visited her and that you are managing to take her out to places that she would like to see.

Try to keep her mouth as moist as you can. Many people are prone to Candida infections when the natural saliva is altered due to dry mouth. Her GP can prescribe a spray to help, but give her plenty to drink as well.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi hdi 

I'm in a fairly similar situation. My mum has small cell lung cancer which has recently metastasized to the brain where there's one lesion. She starts whole brain radiotherapy next week and I'm terrified. I didn't ask about a prognosis. Didn't want to. 

But I hate living in doubt and not knowing what the future holds but I guess none of us know that. Cancer or no cancer. 

Please let me know if you want to chat as we are in similar boats. Mum is very tired, confused and forgetful too. 

Best wishes, strength and love to you and your Mum.