Cancer Research UK main site

How to tell adult children

Lostandscared
Offline

Just found out on Thursday husband has cancer in kidney and in lung. Hadn't a clue. He went for some tests because he had a bad back and was sent for x-ray, MRI etc. Doctors have said it is not curable but treatable. I fell apart. Was pathetic but I am trying to be positive now. The doctors are meeting on Tuesday to discuss his treatment. The main issue we now have is telling our children and we were going to tell them when we know whats happening.They are in their early twenties. One has had serious mental health issues and now the other one has told me he feels depressed and has suicidal thought. They adore their father and will be devastated.I am so worried that they will not be able to cope and the younger one will start self harming again. I just don't know what to do. I can't sleep worrying about everything. Feel like my head will burst.

  • Offline

    Hi there ...

    I'm wondering if a call to McMillan may help .. they deal with many different aspects of things ..

    Your is harder because of those complex issues .. so maybe get some advice and back up ... maybe councilling for them if needed .. then when you tell them, you'll have a back up plan ... 

    I know your head must be all over the place ... and I can't imagine just how heartbraking things are right now .. but if you can get this right, there's still time to make lots of memories .. and you could all do things together as a family ... it will be really hard ... but worth it ... don't look to far ahead ... live in the day .. and sort one thing at a time .. then it won't be quite so overwhelming ... always here if you need to chat ...by the way , I've been on marrie Currie site to day .. they do so much when someone gets this diagnosis ... for all the family ... look on their web page ...  big hug .. Chrissie... x

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you. I will have a look at Marie Curie. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything but a back-up plan is a good idea. 

  • Offline

    Sorry to hear this awful news! It breaks my heart reading these post :,( 

    We’ve just had to do the same, my husband has been diagnosed with advanced prostrate cancer and we have a 13 year old son who has Asperger, he struggles to process and except anything that he cannot control. We have been honest with everything and explained things to him as the doctors did to us (he’d be googling else) also the Macmillan has put us in contact with HOPE charity they have been amazing with both of our children (with have a 10yr old daughter too) they provide counselling and nurture groups to support families maybe it’s worth a look into x 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.