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Stage 4 colon cancer. Need help/guidance please

KevinG
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On June25 2018 my wife went for a check up( complete with X-ray and ultra sound and ct scan ) and was told that she had stage 4 colon cancer spread to liver kidney and lungs and ovaries. July 2 she had surgery for ileostomy and a catheter for her left kidney. During one of her scans at the hospital, the dr. Pulled me aside and said she only had 1 year to live and to get my affairs in order so that we could be prepared. My question is how does the dr. Know that she only has 1 year to live. How does he know that the chemo wont work. Other than weight lose, she seems normal and acts normal. She has only had 1 treatment 2 weeks ago. I’m confused. How will she just pass away. How will I know if and when her life will decline when she looks fine and behaves normally. What should I expect. Im in the dark someone I’m hoping can guide me a little. Please. 

Thankyou. 

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    So sorry to read your post KevinG,I'm in the dark too. Please dont give up. Fight with all your strength, I dont know what I would do if I was told I had a year left but I hope I would say right cancer, you have one almighty woman here who is going to fight you to the end. I have cancer .Cancer does NOT have me!!!! Surely the doctor will sit down and explain all to both your wife and yourself? Sending you both all the love in the world  Sorry I cant be of much help. Anne 

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    Hi Kevin,

    Firstly, I am really, really sorry to hear about your wife. I know what you're going through, and it's really hard.

    I only joined this wonderful forum Wednesday evening after my wife was told she has ovarian cancer which has spread (not been staged/ graded yet). But it's not my wife that I want to actually tell you about, it's my cousin, Steve, who's 57. Just over three years back, he was diagnosed with colon cancer which had already began to spread. These days, it's spread pretty much everywhere. But the chemo continues to keep him going. I asked my mom how he's doing just last week, he's been going out every day, building a house, apparently! I can't really answer your question about how the doctor could know an exact timeline for your wife, but I hope that the little anecdote about my cousin will give you some sort of positivity (in what I know are unbearably bleak times) for the future.

    Cheers, and all the very best for you and your wife in the future

    Z

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    Hi Kevin,

    The fact is the doctor doesn't really know, but was only giving you advice based on averages. Frankly you should consider putting in a formal complaint. 

    In late 2013, I was told I probably had between two and twelve months - maybe eighteen if my chemo worked. To be fair, given my stage 4 diagnosis that was probably good advice based on averages but it was obviously wrong because I'm writing this post to you almost five years later.

    By all means get your affairs in order, but don't give up on the chemo as this doctor was wrong in giving you such negative advice.

    Good luck

    Dave

     

  • Offline in reply to Grannieanne

    Thankyou so much for your kind words. We will keep positive and fighting this fight. The Dr. Only told me and my wife said she does not want to know her time line. Each day we pray that it is years.  

    Thank you again. 

  • Offline in reply to davek

    Thankyou. I needed to hear that. The dr. Was really nice and I think it’s like your saying. She was giving advice based on averages and the amount of tumours and cells in her body. Thank you for the positive outlook that we could potentially have years and not 1 year. Thankyou. 

  • Offline in reply to Zeelund

    Thankyou for opening up about your cousin. It gives me hope that it’s years ahead and I shouldn’t panic. Thankyou. Our prayers for your wife. 

  • Offline in reply to KevinG

    Hi again Kevin. No problems, and I've actually contacted my cousin Steve tonight (didn't realise he was on Fakebook, except under a weird username... like myself, ha ha). That was a result of your original post. So thank you matey, because of your post, I've ended up getting in touch with my cousin who I ain't seen in three years.

    What I've learnt in just three short and harrowing days... there is positivity there, no matter how bleak the immediate future might seem. My cousin's still building a house, three years after his diagnosis! His cancer has spread to his bones, and yet he's still there, buiilding that house (I have no idea why he's building a house, he's a mechanic, not a builder, it's all pretty confusing, snd I'm not going to ask). 

    These are bad times for us both. We love our wives, but they're facing one hell of an uncertain future right now. I'd do anything to take that cancer away from her, and own it for myself. No problem, I would take that option without further thought. But it doesn't work like that. I wish that it did.

    Stay strong. If you need to chat, let me know, I'll happily give you my personal e-mail address, no problemo.

    Take care matey, and my thoughts are with you right now.

    Z

     

  • Offline in reply to Zeelund

    Thankyou I may be in touch. 

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