Hi, 

I'm Gwen, I'm 62, married and on Thursday I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had no signs, not a lump or mark, but maybe the nipple of my right breast is just a tiny bit darker than the left, but hardly noticable, I don't know and even the cancer doctor who did the scan said nothing about it and she could not find no lumps, but the cancer was there on the screen when she did the ultra sound. I had my usual mammogram Friday before last, got a phone call on the Monday for a recall, which was on Thursday just gone and have been given an appointment to see the surgeion this coming Friday.

I'm feeling confused and my mood is swinging from angry, to wanting to cry but fighting it back, to wanting to do loads of stuff straight away, like sewing and other things. I don't have family to talk to and although my husband is loving and supportive, it's as though I want to go through this on my own and want to shut him out and we have always shared everything, every up and down, tear and laughter, we've been married 44years and for the first time, I feel like I can't share this with him, I'm just trying to shut him out.

I don't know yet what sort of breast cancer it is, but I've read loads on this site on the types, treatment, affect etc. I do have one fear more than any. Some years ago I had a ti stroke which affected my memory, it was very small and I was lucky, but I now fear that what ever treatment I have after surgery, will cause another stroke and this is making me want to not have any surgery or treatment. I know this is not logical and I know what will happen if I have nothing done to the cancer, but my family have a history of strokes and they died from them not knowing who anyone was.

I'm not sure what is worse knowing I have cancer, or the fear of another stroke.