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Kidney cancer - scared for hubby

paws2018
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I am struggling to deal with my feelings. My lovely 65yr old husband of 30yrs who has just semi-retired in January has been advised following a CT scan that he has kidney cancer, tumour of 13cm completely engulfing his right kidney it has spread to his adrenal gland, throughout both lungs and small amount in stomach. We are both actually feeling sick with worry and trying so hard to not panic and I am trying to keep up his spirits but it is getting harder each day as we wake up and find we are still in this nightmare. We have not yet told our 23yr old daughter (only child) who I know will take the news badly. First appointment is with Urologist on Tuesday, scared about what we may be told, don’t really know what to ask. I work full time and am finding it hard to concentrate and get on with things. I don’t really know what I am asking ..just wished this had never happened.....but unfortunately it has! 

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    I am so sorry that you both find yourselves in this situation.

    I know how scary this whole situation can be and how useless and not in control you can feel. In my case it was me with the cancer but I know from experience of other serious illness it can be just as difficult and often more difficult when It is someone you love.  You want to stay strong in front of them and then go and dissolve in a corner out of sight.  You want it to be you rather than them. My thoughts are with you both.

    the most difficult thing for me was thinking about what I’d be told at the next appointment or test and I experienc d a complete lack of control over my life. I’d wake every morning with s feeling that just overwhelmed me. I convinced myself I would never cope with what I was told. 

    It is good that you have each other and I’m sure that you will both offer the other support and when the appointment comes you will cope together.  I have been very lucky that both my husband and grown up children have helped me through those difficult days.

    everyone told me you’ll feel better when you know the facts and there is a plan of action to take you forward. I must admit I was very sceptical but actually I do feel much calmer now I have an operation date, it is three weeks away so yet another wait but unfortunately that’s the way it is.

    stay strong together. Love is a wonderful thing and it is at difficult times when it shines its brightest.

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    I’m sending huge mental hugs and much love to you and your husband. It’s a horrible journey to be on and I hope you find all kinds of support, love and healing to help you both. 

    Love, Caggie

  • Offline in reply to Sundial

    Thank you for your kind and wise words, reading them through has helped me feel a little bit calmer with what lies ahead, though I just keep thinking I will wake up from this nightmare....it has only been 6 days since we found out but it feels like we have been living with this forever and it seems it is unfortunately here to stay.

    I totally get that feeling of being overwhelmed, I have been through battles before (not cancer) losing my elderly parents within 7 weeks of one another back in 2015, but nothing compares to the dread and fear I am feeling now. I can only describe it as being on an out of control roller coaster ride (and I hate roller coasters).

    We have not yet told family, we don’t want to be worrying them until we know exactly what we are facing. Trying to act normally is very difficult, but for the present I think my husband prefers it this way....it is almost like if we don’t mention it then it is not true, even though we both know it is. 

    I am really sorry to hear of your own battle with this dreadful illness, I really wish you good luck and hope your operation and subsequent recovery goes well.

    I am sorry I am unable to offer you any  further words of comfort at present but it seems like my brain has been overtaken with fear and it is hard to think clearly at the moment. 

    Take care x

     

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to paws2018

    Hi Paws, I hope your meeting with your urologist was helpful and positive. Things are moving along for me..only a week to go until my op and although I’m full of anxiety and fear it is much much better to have at least some information about what’s going on. Also to know that the problem is being dealt with... once your hubby is in really good hands and cared for by experts it will be a little bit better.  It’s helping me a lot to hear from all the people out there who are living well after having been through some pretty bad experiences. Love, Caggie. 

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